Claytonioo

Not now, Cooper

Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

Goddamn commies

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML