Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML
Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML
Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML
Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML
Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML
Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML
Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
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