PuffyyLA3

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML

Sigma

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML