Miss None ya damn business, None ya damn business 27 years-old Single
Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I've had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn't a girl. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair whose leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?" He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML
Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML
Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML
Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML
Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
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