Miss In a relationship
Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML
Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML
Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML
Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML
Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML
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