Miss Waukesha , Wisconsin 32 years-old Single
Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Today, as a medical student working in a hospital, I asked a patient if he had any questions for me or his physician. His only question: whether or not my breasts are real. FML
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
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