Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML
Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML
Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML
Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML
Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
Today, I decided to do a word search in my daughter's Hello Kitty coloring book. It took me 30 minutes to find 6 words in a kids coloring book for ages 1 and up. FML
Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML
Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML
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