Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML
Today, while I was walking on the sidewalk, someone hit me with their car. They yelled at me for being in their way. FML
Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML
Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, on my way to work, I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML
Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML
Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML
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