Miss Ohio, US 30 years-old Single
Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML
Today, I was writing my rough draft of an essay, and I forgot how to spell a word. I waited for auto correct to help. I was writing on paper. FML
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML
Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
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