Zanesville, USA 43 years-old
Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML
Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML
Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML
Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML
Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML
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