Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
Today, my husband's five days of constipation came to an abrupt end when he woke up, farted, tried to dash to the bathroom but didn’t make it in time. He then proceeded to drop a log on the hallway carpet over a foot long, as thick as a can of Lynx antiperspirant. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Now it's time for you to plan your revenge 😉 I wonder how bad the farts would smell from black beans and sardines and garlic and onions 😂
xxlk4xx 6
you married the right one 🤣
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Comments (5)
Charlie Given 28
Now it's time for you to plan your revenge 😉 I wonder how bad the farts would smell from black beans and sardines and garlic and onions 😂
xxlk4xx 6
you married the right one 🤣
Hangryko 32
He sounds like a catch. 🙄
BurnInDemonFire 39
He sounds like a real gas.
coius 23
While I’d say that I saw a report that people who fart in front of each other is a sign of deep bonds (usually it’s considered showing you a side that the public would never see) what he did was deliberately unfunny and insulting. Joking aside, he subjected you to a horrible stench that isn’t funny but rather insulting. And in case anyone thinks farts aren’t hazardous to your health, I present the one time I farted while bending over (i recently had surgery and my digestive track was recovering from the anesthetic used), my wife suffered a full-on asthma attack from it. Just saying. Next time he pulls that crap (heh), grab something to fan it with and make him suffer from blowback, and protect your nostrils from stenchrape at the same time. Maybe he won’t do it anymore. Either that, or start a prank war and have fun with it till he cries uncle. Look for an electronic device online that makes a random chirp and hide it well away in his car like up in his seat or between the plastic cowling inside the cabin. He’ll never find it since its not constant, and will annoy the hell out of him. Then tell him the chirping will stop if he agrees not to pull it again. If he renegs, reinstall chirping device. Rinse and repeat.