Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's father for the first time. We were at a restaurant and my bofriend kept playing footsie with me under the table. When my boyfriend excused himself to go to the restroom, the game of footsie was still going on. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
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Top comments
ajh1800 25
Why would you have sex at his house when meeting his family for the first time?
mssileas 25
I think a lot of you missed how this was posted by a dude, so basically his bf's dad expressed just being glad that his son didn't take it up the a**.
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Comments (24)
ajh1800 25
Why would you have sex at his house when meeting his family for the first time?
RichardPencil 32
Because they are so horny.
aruden 25
She probably wasn't intending to meet his family.
Spiritbird 17
cuz dey whorny
ChakatBlackstar 29
She who? They're all guys.
aruden 25
My bad your right totally glanced over that key detail when it read it. That's the problem with FMLing at 3am.
MsKittyKatWeber 10
exactly!! they deserve to get caught. How gross is her boyfriend for continuing? ew
mattrd_fml 31
It was a he, not a she.
Dave_Davington 34
He wanted sausages dipped in barbecue sauce, right?
RichardPencil 32
I’ll bet you didn’t ask for sausage.
pjsr 33
Of course not. He already got it
tranced_ 45
Do people even knock the door these days ?!
Lobby_Bee 18
All that's missing is a high five from his dad.
RichardPencil 32
If he showed up ten minutes later, I’m guessing tossed salad would be crossed off the menu.
aruden 25
Well you could always fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness but it sounds like his dad has already seen you on your knees.
mssileas 25
I think a lot of you missed how this was posted by a dude, so basically his bf's dad expressed just being glad that his son didn't take it up the a**.
Dannah Lawrence 2
thank you for clearing that up. I didn't get it at first.
ChakatBlackstar 29
Really? Heteros really need to learn that same-sex couples don't have to fit opposite-sex couple stereotypes.
KittyMack 13
Yeah I hate that. I had a gay bestie for years & got too many people asking me "which of them is the 'woman'?". NEITHER! THAT'S THE POINT! My BFF was a bottom but was decidedly manly (fixing cars, fighting, watching football). Bottoming isn't the same as being a sub or whatever. Hell I'm a plain old cis get female and even I'm not "the woman" in every aspect of my relationships.
KittyMack 13
*het (damn autocorrect)
Kaili McCoy 6
“Really” to which part? I agree it’s maddening on the “who’s the woman” part of same sex or non-binary couples. I’m just hoping it’s not a “really” to expecting different standards of decency. I think it’s weird that they decided to bone upon meeting the parents for the first time. Unless, the bf was just trying to smuggle his partner home and it was an awkward not-yet-ready-to-meet-but-hey-there-you-are, I still think most people would want to give a polite first impression.
_ali__cat_ 14
Aside from the fact that there's doesn't need to be a "man" or "woman" in that sense, kudos to your bf for still going when his dad walked in. Zero *****.
PorchKitty 16
Not quite zero...
Bubbilility 27
I think the dude giving at least a **** was the issue here.