Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML
Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique, and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML
Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML
Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML
Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
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Top comments
Thaylok 17
"Boys will lie to you to get what they want." I have told my daughter this for years. It stinks he pushed that situation. You do what is right and don't fall for that. Yes he was being a creep.
SamanthaThe1st 23
"KEVIN STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M DEAD SO GIRLS WILL LIKE YOU"
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Comments (6)
Thaylok 17
"Boys will lie to you to get what they want." I have told my daughter this for years. It stinks he pushed that situation. You do what is right and don't fall for that. Yes he was being a creep.
SamanthaThe1st 23
"KEVIN STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M DEAD SO GIRLS WILL LIKE YOU"
RichardPencil 32
Did you think that just saying, "There, there" and offering him a hot beverage was going to be enough? If you had given him toilet head, you'd either have a ghost or a stalker. Or someone who criticizes your crapper pole-smoking skills. I hope the food was good.
diraven 15
I bet his mom conveniently died every time the date's not going so well.
tricia 8
You went on a dating with Barney Stinson… or Joey Tribbiany
tricia 8
You went on a dating with Barney Stinson… or Joey Tribbiany