Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a Taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a YouTube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML
Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML
Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML
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Top comments
olivejuice001 0
Wow, next time he's drunk, convince him it would be funny for him to get a vasectomy. You'd be doing all of mankind a favor, preventing someone so stupid from reproducing.
f_alltheirlives 3
He thought it would be funny to maze himself? Was he trying to prevent raping himself? If so, did it work, or did he just continue to force his hand onto the poor penis? If he did then maybe that caused the blindness!!!
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Comments (43)
f_alltheirlives 3
He thought it would be funny to maze himself? Was he trying to prevent raping himself? If so, did it work, or did he just continue to force his hand onto the poor penis? If he did then maybe that caused the blindness!!!
uxoriouswidow 0
This
ryguy997 0
BREAKUP TIME!!!
Shutupmeg 0
Where did he randomly get pepper spray?
kate3101 15
Pepper spray is illegal in the UK.
NathanKett 0
Yeah, FHL. I have done some dumb things when on the piss. But it's the ones you don't remember that are the worst. I once woke up in a clothing bin... I had to call the cops and explain where I was so they could get me out... Great story though.
Xader 0
This guy is why....
blastvortex 4
Well, it wouldn't have happened if you weren't living with him. Of course, it's not like you didn't have a choice of dating a twonk or trying to find someone with at least half an ounce of sense either. You kind of stepped into that one. *eyeroll*
DynamicDave 11
Who rushed you to the hospital? He was drunk and you were blind (or at least reasonably impaired).
monnanon 14
If it was a really bad reaction like she said then she (or her boyfriend) probably phoned for an ambulance
DasHaas 9
New boyfriend time :D
tisiphone_fml 0
Yeah, lose the guy.
olivejuice001 0
Wow, next time he's drunk, convince him it would be funny for him to get a vasectomy. You'd be doing all of mankind a favor, preventing someone so stupid from reproducing.
androgynist 0
WIN.
Peroxide 3
Did you mean to call yourself Jayne Doh because when I read your name out it sounds like Janye da hoe?
Monty92 0
Is your boyfriend just plain stupid....
Tigg3r 3
Epic win on your part OP for dating a guy with half a brain. Wait no, then he would be gifted. With atleast one brain cell. Epic win on your boyfriend because he managed to get drunk and use pepper spray. All in all, it's a win!!
RuralNinja 0
Women always say its fine to "accidentally" mace a guy on the street, so its somewhat refreshing to see a women accidentally get maced for once (Yes, this is a genuine accident, he was drunk and aiming for himself, bu missed.) If only more women realized you can be allergic to it they wouldn't spray the stuff so carelessly. Also, maybe if you didn't refer to yourself as a hoe, you wouldn't end up guys like him.
borabora1991 0
so....if a woman feels threatened by someone, the first thing she should do is ask the person if he/she is allergic to mace?... i hope that doesnt sound rude....im really just curious...
lenasaur 0
no, i think what he means is that we shouldnt be so quick to spray mace in peoples faces. i mean cmon, a lot of the time people get maced because people think theyre being threatened when theyre not and in reality they are just extremely paranoid (although i cant blame them for being that way in todays society)
Quietcannon 0
...Her name is a different spelling of Jane Doe. She's not calling herself a hoe, genius.
RuralNinja 0
No one can take a joke on here anymore, I realized its another way to spell Doe, however the spelling can let it be enunciated as Doe or Dehoe. And yes, I was referring to the lack of regard most women have when using mace. Most women believe it to be harmless, when in reality it might not be. Feeling like you're in a threatening situation isn't the same thing as being in one, but most women can't tell the difference.
AmiNayaki 0
so we shouldn't ever use mace because we have impaired judgment?
Camer0ne 0
Women shouldn't drive either, but that's a story for another day ;p