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By forrealiluvmyslf - 13/04/2009 15:58 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy that included dinner, pool and pretty good conversation. Around Midnight he yawned and said the beer was making him sleepy, so he took me home. I wasn't tired so I changed and went out with some friends... and saw him on the dance floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 860

You deserved it 6 450

forrealiluvmyslf tells us more.

forrealiluvmyslf 6

Tuesday 14 April 2009 17:46

The date lasted 4 hours and he took me home with the intention of going home. Not fat, not ugly...His friend ended up inviting him out. I approached him at the club to say hi and kept it moving because I was with friends. I danced with a few other people, including him. He called the next day. I actually made a joke about how funny it would be if I saw him to a friend before we went out. Wasn't down about it, just thought the irony was FML-worthy --- Some of yall are cruel! lol

By coloris - 03/08/2019 00:01

Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 03:30 - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 116

You deserved it 6 264

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, my 8 year-old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 934

You deserved it 4 639

By chieftain - 09/05/2012 19:34 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 280

You deserved it 5 723

By Bob - 11/04/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year-old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I gave him the gift, and he started playing with the bag it came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 820

You deserved it 9 826

Let it all out

By Vomitron - 02/04/2021 00:30

Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 940

You deserved it 10 280

By K3you - 04/07/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids "just wouldn't look right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 835

You deserved it 3 611

By Anonymous - 30/05/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 496

You deserved it 6 819

By Chris - 22/10/2009 04:57 - Canada

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 451

You deserved it 4 892

Private freakout

By emmy - 03/06/2022 00:00

Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 200

The deal

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 10:00

Today, after a day of anxiety and worry that something bad would happen, I decided to keep my two daughters home from being flower girls at my sister's wedding. Now my sister and entire family is blowing up my phone. Apparently her wedding is my important than a mother worried about her babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 2 505

By single - 01/07/2011 09:12 - China

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 870

You deserved it 4 525

By SE011194 - 24/05/2014 06:14 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend told me that the girl he really likes sees me as a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 525

You deserved it 5 093

CPS!

By jasminejzhu - 14/04/2013 09:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 058

You deserved it 11 691

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 21:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 376

You deserved it 12 169

It's not for everyone

By lucy ann - 30/09/2023 10:30

Today, my daughter told me she “doesn’t ever see herself getting in a relationship” and “dating just isn’t for her.” She’s 30 and has never been with anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 972

By footfood - 27/06/2011 14:56 - Slovenia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 403

You deserved it 7 731

Boundaries

By lordoftheweird - 29/06/2022 02:00

Today, I couldn't leave my room because my dad was having a foursome in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 155

Time to GTFO

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 12:30

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me, and for the second time in two days. She has now cheated a total of 7 times in the space of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 173

By anonymous - 24/04/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 249

You deserved it 3 331

By Matt - 15/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 172

You deserved it 4 615

By sodaxpopxhiccups - 03/04/2009 09:07 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 340

You deserved it 8 049

sodaxpopxhiccups tells us more.

sodaxpopxhiccups 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 10:53

I can't help how I react when I see a spider. It's just an instant thing. I was bitten when I was little and broke out in a serious rash, so I freak out every time I see one now. Actually, I never really scream about anything, which is why my husband was in such a hurry to see what was wrong with me. And yes, he did just barrel in. We have a small bathroom, so the second he was in the door, he ran right into me and flung me into the tub. Looking back on it, even though it was just this morning, is really, very hysterical, and I'm still laughing about it. My nose hurts like you wouldn't believe, but it's still one of the funniest stories we have. #35 Your comment made me laugh so hard that my stomach and head hurts now. ;D Thank you for that brilliant response. :]