Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML
Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML
Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
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Top comments
yahoowizard 16
At least it's a rare occurrence? The gas, that is.
singer0421 32
At least you weren't having both at the same time. Wouldn't be so incredible anymore...
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Comments (64)
yahoowizard 16
At least it's a rare occurrence? The gas, that is.
wastedpenguin 14
seeing as it was the "first time in months" and it wasnt sex im assuming the sex is rare too..
Vagitarian1 10
That was a gripping story.
Enslaved 38
Get a grip to let one rip?
sofaqueen_ 14
I say F your life indeed
incoherentrmblr 22
Fart Your Life. Terrance & Phillip would be proud of you...
meladuh 16
Still good to let it all out.
Yeshua_fml 19
Yeah at least some kind of bodily explosion was occuring.
rebeltw 15
im not sure if im grossed out or incredibly jealous
EmmaWasHere 11
Cue taco bell's why not both commercial
Animekid126 13
That's taco bells commercial?
Enslaved 38
Nah, it's some commercial for store bought taco shells. However, one can't help butt to think "Taco Bell" when speaking about gas.
Simplyeatapples 15
#3 why jealous?
MissStephanie 10
Old El Paso, start somewhere fresh
EmmaWasHere 11
Oops I meant some taco commercial, and Taco Bell just came to mind. Sorry about that ^
singer0421 32
At least you weren't having both at the same time. Wouldn't be so incredible anymore...
lnheritance 19
Just imagine it was incredible sex. Perhaps it'll make you feel better about the situation?
Respect101 17
Until the smell hits you....
rileyrae 11
That seems extremely intense.
derpscone 5
Haha well said
Puffytruffles 18
carrot
carrotcart 15
taco bell perhaps?
1915destroyer 22
Yeshhhhhh 1st!!!!!!!!!! Jk 10 lol
LifeMD 14
You know, there's a little grey number to the left of your username at the bottom of your comment box. It tells us what comment number you are and it's usually very accurate.
DocBastard 40
Letting out explosive gas can sometimes feel just as satisfying as an explosive ******. And just as messy.
zandalee 20
Poor Mrs Doc Bastard...
cakefete2 31
Just remind them not to light a cigarette after they pass the gas.
Respect101 17
#33, *Mr. DocBastard. plus he is obviously a doc. so Dr. DocBastard?
anticulas 12
If he is a Doctor, the name on the account would suffice.
Chibi_Kitten 24
#50 because Mrs. DocBastard would wake up to that