Today, I learned to never eat chicken wings, loaded mashed potatoes with sour cream, cheese, bacon, ranch, and bubbly soda prior to a esthetician appointment. I had uncontrollable gas and made the most foul smelling farts in her face while she was trying to wax my butthole. I was asked to leave. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a bacterial infection in my intestines. Doctors suggested I wash my intestines, but apparently forgot to tell me I couldn't eat before the procedure. I don't know what's worse, the fact that the whole room right now smells like rancid fried chicken, or the fact that the doctors were just talking about going to Popeyes. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, while working at my new job at a surgery center, I noticed how odd it was that the room began to smell like fried chicken. I thought it smelt pretty good, until I learned it was actually the smell of someone getting their ear cauterized. I enjoyed the smell of someone's burning ear flesh. FML
Today, an obese customer wanted a tattoo on her inner thigh. I tried to be professional but after a few minutes, I could no longer stand the stench oozing from this woman’s crotch and had to turn my head and gag. She noticed and kicked up an even bigger stink than what was leaking from her pants. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, I ate at Waffle House for lunch, and had a Pork Chop Dinner. I'd never had it before, but I definitely I won’t get it again because later on I was getting ready for a shower and I try to let a fart out. Bad idea, because I shat all over my bathroom. Now I think I have food poisoning from it. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
This was surely more of a FML for her.
RichardPencil 32
I've heard that the biggest problem with jobs in the service industry is having to deal with assholes, butt this is ridiculous!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Did she cork you up before you left?
Plop 17
Wait, is that what buttplugs are for?
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
This was surely more of a FML for her.
RichardPencil 32
I've heard that the biggest problem with jobs in the service industry is having to deal with assholes, butt this is ridiculous!
ejfs 8
Based on how the gut works, that gas was created between 10 and 24 hours before the appointment, so I'm afraid you'll have to blame a different meal.
1known 34
Were bacon, ranch and soda truly necessary?
Yudith 28
That's a ridiculous question, knowing that the gas was probably created between 10 to 24 days before by OP's kale salad, kombucha or chia breakfast pudding.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm more concerned as to why you were having your butthole waxed. That's a double F the esthetician's life.