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hey everyone. I'm the ball kicker. To clear up a few things. 1-how i kicked his balls: My foot was halfway off the ground and i was bumped into causing me to stumble and landing my foot in his crotch. 2-why he went to the e.r: I was wearing steel toe boots (hindsight, not a good idea. but i had to go to work after class and i drop things on my feet alot and i work in a storage area. shit is heavy) 3-why i couldn't stop myself from kicking him: I have no answer for this. It was a horrible moment and I have yet to stop saying sorry. 4-how he is doing: there was no major damage to the actual testicles, but his inner thigh is bruised. In other words, he's fine. 5-he does forgive me and we went our first date the other night. and 6-about the asshole who ran into me: karma. thanks for all the advice, comments and other stuff that was said. Some of you guys are hilarious and it makes me feel better for the horrible incident.

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 16:00

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 638

Family

By megamonster99 - 07/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 336

You deserved it 1 016

Morning glory

By aqua88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Malaysia

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 814

You deserved it 3 380

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 088

You deserved it 947

By anonymous - 09/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 638

You deserved it 10 317

By seriously - 20/04/2009 23:05 - Canada

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 799

You deserved it 5 383

By steph - 20/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 587

You deserved it 69 162

By Username - 14/07/2019 20:00

Today, I learned that my 29-year-old boyfriend won't stay the night at my house because he lives at home with his parents and doesn't want to have "the discussion" with his mom about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 282

Cool beans

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/04/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite webcomic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth, he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 516

You deserved it 7 817

But… why?

By Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 267

You deserved it 121 042

By Anonymous - 17/08/2017 21:45 - Romania

Today, I went on my first date in a year with a guy I met just a couple hours ago. I went back to my hotel to get better dressed and met him at the bar. I brought my purse, he brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 887

You deserved it 349

By ljennette25 - 23/09/2016 04:51 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 311

You deserved it 894

By 7thwardlord - 21/08/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 010

You deserved it 881

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 8 318

Rubbing it in

By BadDay - 20/09/2016 05:04 - Australia - Beerwah

Today, being a little stressed, I managed to lock my keys inside my car. I was taking this fairly calmly until, while waiting for roadside assistance, I overheard another woman in the same carpark say, "No, of course I didn't lock my keys in the car! I'm not a COMPLETE idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 912

You deserved it 1 338

By missingno007 - 28/08/2017 13:00 - United States - Clarkesville

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 369

Empathetic panic

By Anonymous - 20/05/2014 16:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 404

You deserved it 7 628

Unsolicited dick texts

By jaderie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 799

You deserved it 4 816

Get your vaccinations if you can

By Jules - 25/04/2021 00:30

Today, we’re supposed to check people’s temperatures before their COVID vaccination. The thermometers don’t work, though. We’re told to just press the on-off-button twice, so they make the same beep-beep sound as if they were functioning to make people feel safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 138

By laptitesouris - 31/03/2013 23:35 - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 86

The gift of insecurity

By where’d she learn it? - 21/10/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 1 762

Attraction

By Chelsea - 02/04/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 552

You deserved it 38 983

By Mikey832 - 09/08/2010 13:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 978

You deserved it 14 846

I am what I am

By MimiFufu - 22/09/2019 16:00

Today, yet again I got delayed in airport security. One month ago, I thought it was a good idea to wear make-up when renewing my passport. It turns out I look nothing like myself without makeup. Hello shattered confidence and 5 years of needing to wear makeup for every flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 1 086

By Worker - 20/10/2017 19:12 - Australia - Forrestfield

Today, the friend I recommended for a job at my workplace is getting fired for being one of the worst people they have ever hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 343

You deserved it 858

By hairdresser - 09/03/2013 09:05 - Australia

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 622

You deserved it 4 057

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Today, while on exchange in Spain, I tried to chat up a charming waiter. The Spanish teacher corrected my sentence’s structure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 132

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 697

You deserved it 3 332

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 648

You deserved it 1 610

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 186

You deserved it 606

Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 269

Today, I realized my relationship is broken. Two weeks ago, I got a dick pic from a random number. It was three times my fiancee's size. Ever since then, I haven't been able to feel any sort of physical attraction towards him. I love him, or at least I thought I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 839