Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML
Today, my idiot son has been getting his ass kicked nearly every day since he spread a rumor that he’d been sleeping with the most popular girl in school. Not only is she the wrestling coach’s daughter, her brothers are all massive jocks. Even though he apologized the beatings keep coming. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML
Today, two days after losing my temper with my smart mouthed 7 year-old son and slapping him across the face, I tried to apologize by buying him a treat and telling him if anyone found out, I would get in trouble. Today, I got a call from social services about the "bruise" on his face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
metallica_wins 20
You should be proud, at least he's emotionally intelligent.
DarkSmoke591 21
Duck faces aren't even cute
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (221)
metallica_wins 20
You should be proud, at least he's emotionally intelligent.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Your son's my new hero. Looking out for the wildlife and shit.
cakefete2 31
Next time, he should say, "duck, duck, goose." This will give him at least a head start while they realize the joke.
zebrainthenight 13
I don't get the joke! I know I will be down voted for this but it's worth it if someone would explain the joke. Sorry for the unnecessary comment.
IndridWarm 23
People throw bread to ducks in ponds. Simple as that.
Juggalette_623 9
That guy is my new hero. Only would've been better if he had a nerf gun. Duck season.
DArthurVaderian 18
Rabbit season
zebrainthenight 13
Oh my god. That's not what I meant. You guys must think in extremely stupid. I wanted to know about #46's joke.
DancinL 14
duck duck goose is a game commonly played by little kids, where when the person who's it says "goose" they run away as fast as possible so the goose doesn't catch them
Dopeshit_fml 4
yep like ur profile says;you're socially a female! -.-
zZLightZz 13
its ok #109 people are extremely judgemental here
kittykat1501 31
He was making fun of them. People throw bread to *****.
DarkSmoke591 21
Duck faces aren't even cute
Sierra7211 17
I agree. I've done a lot of things I regret, but at least I can take comfort in the fact that I've never taken a duck face mirror selfie.
TunaFireStarter 16
Duck faces are lame, but so is the massive amount of hate and ridiculing people give towards these people. Now because every one is making so much fun of them, when one of my friends, who never makes duck faces, had a picture taken of her blowing a kiss at her boyfriend, she was hounded on for making a "duck face."
aimzskee 30
Agree. In my opinion, they just make girls look as if they're constipated.
BvbArmy_0 18
Kissy faces are where its at
ThunderLightTSV 31
I don't take pictures of myself doing it, but I will admit that I do something like a duck face if I'm concentrating on something.
UnknownUser227 9
Sounds like he was waiting to get clubed.
BvbArmy_0 18
This is why i love people
QUACKATTACK27 8
I see what you did there
\ 28
#49 - Relevant username detected.
LittleLambii 24
Punny :')
JJ_86 22
He should have ducked the blows. But alas now all he can do is pray the club gets hit by an earthquack.
boshbish 14
The girls didn't deserve to get bread thrown at them but i still think your son is awesome
tiernang 21
You're right. They can buy their own damn bread.
sjbartholome 14
or make it
junkman6 22
You're right bread was too good for them.
purplebabytacos1 14
They have boyfriends?!
teentee401 37
Guys are attracted to the duck face...for some reason.
slyde32 12
no we're not
Han1156 23
Duck faces are ugly as hell.
brand125 17
so wrong you dont even understand, 47..
hystericsky 11
Contrary to popular belief, most relationships are not formed on how they decide to shape their mouths at random moments usually for pictures. And if that's a deal breaker to someone, they need to get their shit together and stop being judgemental assholes for something so simple.
browneyes126 9
that's actually an amazing thing to do hahaha I wouldn't of even been mad if he did it to me
mysadlyfe 9
So you are saying you'd make a duck face?
jazzy_123 20
just to get bread thrown at you?
False_Stupidity 42
Well, you know, budget is tight these days, gotta bring home the bread somehow...
cyttex 13
Honestly one of the funniest ideas I've heard in a while.
JD134 24
Yeah I'm totally doing this.
worldclassrager 41
I will probably go to hell laughing at this...I wonder how long and how often he carried that bread with him...looks like check his bag (if he has one) before he leaves
FitForFun 11
Your son is my hero, I only wish he was better at running away. Tell him next time he better practice cardio if he's going to be a comedian.
domolovesyoshi 33
Oh definitely worth casing a joint and working out to make sure you're fast before pulling shit like this are the rules for success.
alicenotalice 12
Your son sounds awesome.