Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend messaging flirty texts with one of the nurses who cared for him while he was in inpatient rehabilitation at the VA Medical Center for alcohol abuse. Not to mention he is back drinking daily. I suck at relationships. FML
Today, my husband once again went to my sister’s room (she's been living with us since her husband passed away) and claims he’s comforting her. He locks the door and there are moaning noises, but they insist that it’s her crying for her dead husband. They called me “selfish” for me questioning their motives. FML
Today, I got bitched at by an old lady in Walmart for not wearing a mask. I had lowered my mask to use my inhaler, because I was having an asthma attack. FML
Today, my dry spell reached the 15-year mark. I've been employed and in shape the whole time, and now I can feel my body wearing out. FML
Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML
Today, I heard my daughter-in-law refer to her twin daughters, my precious twin grandbabies, as “the good one” and “the shit stain”. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML
Today, my abusive ex came over to my apartment, hoping to "work things out." Not only did we break up more than 13 years ago, but I moved to a different state just to get away from him. FML
Today, my dad's conspiracy lunatic of a new wife reported my husband and me to CPS because she found out that we vaccinated our kids. I know I shouldn't worry but one single false allegation is all it takes to ruin lives and lose custody. FML
Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML
Today, several anonymous customer complaints prevented me getting employee of the month, which also means I’m not getting my raise. The complaints came from my son and his friends, who thought it was funny. My wife has early dementia and can’t work, so I needed that money, so so badly. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when my wife came in wearing a new lingerie set, smiling at me. I dropped what I was doing and carried her to bed. After we'd finished, she went downstairs for a drink, saw the dishes I hadn't cleaned, and started a fight. Now I'm on the couch. FML
Today, a photographer came to take photos of my house for listing. While showing her around, she said, “I’ll just get this hair tie out of the shot” and picked it up. It wasn’t a hair tie. It was my rubber cock ring. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, a doctor squeezed so much cheese out of a huge lump on my nutsack, for a second I was convinced he’d poked a hole in my bollock and was squeezing out my baby-making juice. FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, my ex referred to missing my last two weekends with my daughter as an example of my typical unreliable parenting. I was in hospital after a drug addict stabbed me in the intestines with a broken glass bong, used to smoke god only knows what, but sure, it’s typical me behaviour. FML
Today, I told my date she'd look hot as a blonde. She replied saying I'd be hot with a few extra inches. Furious, I yelled at her that I couldn't control my height. She replied that she "wasn't referring to my height." FML
Today, I tried reaching out to a girl on Facebook I thought I ended on good terms with after three dates. Not only did she not accept my friend request, she also disabled all friend requests. FML
Who will be your champion this week?
Today, my classmate overheard me on the phone making an appointment at the women’s health center. The dumb bitch told everyone I was going to the clinic for STD treatment. I was scheduling my biopsy for a lump in my breast. FML
Today, while on my way to deliver aluminum to a customer on top of a really steep hill, there wasn't enough room to do a U-turn without clipping a vehicle. I had to go through some mud, so now the company semi is bumper-deep in it. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my ex-fiance didn't visit me in the hospital after my accident, which I dumped him for, was because the hospital wouldn't let him in because he wasn't family. He's blocked my number, returned the ring and everything. FML
Today, I offered my boyfriend medicine which is quite likely to help with his pollen allergy and other health problems, free of charge, and without side effects. I also pointed out an easy fix to keep the pollen out of his apartment. He said, “No thanks” to both, and just kept on complaining. FML
Today, a guy tried to take a picture up my skirt, so I loudly confronted him. Just as loudly, he called me a liar because who’d want an "up-skirt of a whale" like me. No one else on the train tried to help me, and I could tell from their dirty looks they agreed with the pervert 100%. FML
Today, I was at a party and I danced. Judging by people's stares, I should never ever attempt it again. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, I just found out that I was missing almost $500 from my debit card. Turns out my brother used my card to simp on a streamer. When I confronted him, he said, "But you would have simped on her either way." FML
Today, my fiance of 6 years, who was estranged for 10 months during which time our wedding was naturally called off, came back, and after much convincing got a second chance. Within two weeks of taking it slow, he asked if I had been faithful after he'd abandoned me. A "yes" wasn't enough. He's disappeared again. FML
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