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Wokescolds gonna get you

By Red Toad - 30/11/2020 08:04 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 696

Shady dealings

By Anonymous - 09/05/2026 12:00 - United States - Queens

Today, I found out that my husband booked one-way tickets for our family to another country, without any return flights or even a place to stay, or money to navigate anything. We're living with my income, and I’m not sure if I want a divorce or a protective order against him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 73

Hedging your bets

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 11:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 182

BO Central

By jess - 16/12/2020 14:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I was loudly asked if I'd rubbed poop all over myself this morning. I shower three times a day, brush my teeth for 10 minutes twice a day, and wear copious amounts of antiperspirant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 1 731

Going going gone

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 06:00 - Germany

Today, I found some nice shirts on sale. As the prices were only valid for a few more days, I ordered them quickly. They didn’t lie about the prices changing, they just didn't mention that everything would actually be even cheaper than it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 189

You must conform!

By a disabled man with big hands - 24/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my boss got mad at me for not wearing the gloves I'm provided at work. They're way too small, not to mention the fact that I have a disability which makes it even harder to put them on. What do you expect me to do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 184

OK, it's spooky season, but come on…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2024 16:00

Today, back when my son had an imaginary friend at 3 years-old it was cute; when he was 7 it was concerning; now he’s 15, still talks to him, and is refusing to see a therapist, even though I’m genuinely scared, it’s a thin line between imaginary friends and hearing voices in your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 119

For the kids

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 22:00

Today, I overheard my parents discussing their divorce. Apparently, what they mostly disagree over is that neither of them want custody of me and are considering delaying their divorce until I’m 18, because at least then legally I’m not either of their problem to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 175

Don't hate the player… Oh wait

By Anonymous - 27/10/2024 09:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, and for the past two years, I've been hosting a fairly successful Dungeons And Dragons podcast. However, ever since we brought a new player into the group, we've lost almost half of our listeners, and thanks to that, we lost our sponsorships too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 167

So, as I was saying before I was interrupted by your colon…

By Privacy please - 30/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my wife hit a new level of clingy when she picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could sit with me while I shat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 87

A lot going on

By Anonymous - 01/11/2024 20:00 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, I found all of my underwear frozen in my freezer. I put my underwear in the washer before I left for work. I then put them in the dryer. I woke up and tried to put them on several times thinking I was missing the pant holes. I finally turned on the lights to see that each leg hole was sewn shut, all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 129

Cursed FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 11:01

Today, my parents think the only reason I'm gay is because I have a curse that makes me attracted to women, and I'm actually straight. At this point, even my older sisters believe it, which is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 155

Dick move

By Stefania - 21/03/2022 06:00

Today, I’m confined to a wheelchair since being paralyzed from the waist down due to an accident. My husband rubbed salt in the wound by sleeping with another woman, because he "has needs.” He had the cheek to call me “selfish” for being angry at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 017

You deserved it 293

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 23:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after graduating from the same program, I was offered several jobs, while my boyfriend wasn’t. He couldn’t be happy for me, saying, "She got in with the right people, and they just keep handing her jobs," and dismissing my work ethic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 174

Poor planning

By Anonymous - 18/11/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying to be extra productive and washed all my clothes at once, including my bedding. I hung everything to dry and only realized too late that I had no dry sheets to sleep in. I ended up sleeping on a bare mattress, wrapped in a bath towel, like some kind of sad burrito. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 485

Mean girls

By Brahman punjabi - 26/06/2026 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, I'm an Indian man at college and I'm nicknamed "Uber Eats" by half the campus. Every time I walk around, I hear, "Look, it's Uber Eats." I shout at them and demand that they stop but they just laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 137

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 659

Never the twain

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 00:00

Today, after “talking” and flirting with my team lead for a few months, we started dating and I quit my job, which I really liked, and started working somewhere I didn’t just so we could be together. Now, two weeks after quitting, she breaks up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 257

Hope that's in Fahrenheit

By Cooked alive - 26/06/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, for the first time in at least two years, the temperature exceeded 100 degrees in my area. Except this time, it nearly hit 110. Even with my fan and air conditioner on the highest setting, my room was still burning hot. It's currently 11pm and the temperature has gone down… to 81 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 160

Judge and jury

By ToxicSiren - 06/02/2021 14:01

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 205

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife and I surprised our son with a trip to Disney World for his birthday. He said no because he wants to play his new PS5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 140

YouTube? OurTube!

By Hackme - 11/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I managed to convince my wife that a random YouTube profile logged into our bedroom TV was a hacker who'd hacked our Wi-Fi and planted a virus on our TV. She ate it up like an all you can eat buffet. The profile is actually a coworker of mine, who I’ve been secretly seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 1 018

By John LegoHair - 23/05/2019 00:09

Today, a little girl asked me if I was wearing a wig. It's my real hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 181

Efficiency

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 14:00

Today, and ever since our management implemented a time card 'clock in and out' system, it’s gone to hell. As long as the work was finished, the boss let us go at 3:30 so I could pick my kids up, but now I have to stay until at least 4:45 and rely on my 70 year-old mom to pick up and look after two hyperactive kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 233

Call the cops

By Matt Steele - 04/02/2021 14:01

Today, after they said being a dad is fun, after saying that you got to do things when you were a kid… Well now, I'm at the lost and found of the city, asking, "Have you seen my kid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 539

Clever

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I'd been really clever by setting my alarm ten minutes earlier to get up on time. I did wake up ten minutes earlier… then promptly fell back asleep for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 463

Give some, take some

By Stinky - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Roanoke

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel, in the rain, in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410

You deserved it 370

By unknown - 28/05/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 330

Plans for fun

By no sex, boo - 18/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my fiancee and I dropped off our kiddo at a birthday party. Since it's been a couple of weeks of no sex, I said, "We could have sex while he's gone!" She said "Or… we could clean!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 191

Right place, wrong person

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 05:01

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 170

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The Top

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 5 343

Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 081

You deserved it 5 128

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 874

You deserved it 59 730

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 168

You deserved it 4 425

Today, I had to go cap in hand to my father-in-law to ask for a loan so I could pay the mortgage, so now he thinks I’m a useless bum who can’t support my family. The truth is it was his daughter the gambler who wasted all our savings, but I can’t bring myself to upset him by telling him the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 304

Today, I went for a job interview, under the impression that I had taken my allergy medication, and had a sneezing fit. Each sneeze seemed to get louder, and every time I blew my nose, it set the sneezing off again. By the end, the entire interview panel was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 153