The Top

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Full house

By ugh. - 21/04/2019 16:00 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 281

Baby's high

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 17:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 173

Shiver and shake

By Loserman67 - 01/04/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 568

You deserved it 744

Clumsy

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 20:02

Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 289

FML's "Guess the Saying"!

By Louis - 13/04/2017 23:30

Check out these guys and figure out what the saying is. Is it a saying? It's something in any case.

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 171

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 260

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 14:00

Today, while we were at a museum I like, my wife told me she was “in the mood” so we quickly drove home, where she suddenly “wasn’t in the mood anymore.” I get the feeling she was bored with the museum, and lied to me to come home earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 255

Road to ruin

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 00:02

Today, and for the past 3 years since I first started looking for work, my mother has once again cussed me out and called me "ungrateful" because I tried to get a job. She won't let me get my ID, and she will only apply to jobs around our tiny town that she "feels like doing." We're about to lose our home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 106

YouTube? OurTube!

By Hackme - 11/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I managed to convince my wife that a random YouTube profile logged into our bedroom TV was a hacker who'd hacked our Wi-Fi and planted a virus on our TV. She ate it up like an all you can eat buffet. The profile is actually a coworker of mine, who I’ve been secretly seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 1 018

By John LegoHair - 23/05/2019 00:09

Today, a little girl asked me if I was wearing a wig. It's my real hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 181

Efficiency

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 14:00

Today, and ever since our management implemented a time card 'clock in and out' system, it’s gone to hell. As long as the work was finished, the boss let us go at 3:30 so I could pick my kids up, but now I have to stay until at least 4:45 and rely on my 70 year-old mom to pick up and look after two hyperactive kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 233

Call the cops

By Matt Steele - 04/02/2021 14:01

Today, after they said being a dad is fun, after saying that you got to do things when you were a kid… Well now, I'm at the lost and found of the city, asking, "Have you seen my kid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 539

Clever

By Anonymous - 11/12/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I'd been really clever by setting my alarm ten minutes earlier to get up on time. I did wake up ten minutes earlier… then promptly fell back asleep for another hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 463

Give some, take some

By Stinky - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Roanoke

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel, in the rain, in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410

You deserved it 370

By unknown - 28/05/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 330

Plans for fun

By no sex, boo - 18/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my fiancee and I dropped off our kiddo at a birthday party. Since it's been a couple of weeks of no sex, I said, "We could have sex while he's gone!" She said "Or… we could clean!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 191

Right place, wrong person

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 05:01

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 170

Don't panic!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 15:00

Today, I had a meeting with our partner company from Japan. I was instructed beforehand on bowing but when the time came I panicked, stood way too close, and headbutted their boss in the boobs. I was “politely” asked to leave the meeting. I’m so embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 779

No good deed…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2024 00:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, before I washed my husband’s stinky work jacket, I made sure to check the pockets. What I didn’t realise was that there was another pocket which had two USB sticks with all of his students’ work on them. The guilt trip has been going on for hours, and I’m 39 weeks pregnant, stressed out of my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 224

By Pame - 10/05/2017 21:00 - Argentina

Today, I lost the keys to my office in the morning. I had to find an excuse for my boss to lend me his set and copy them. At night when I got home, I realized that along with the keys to the office, I also lost the keys to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 534

You deserved it 1 458

College life is hell

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 05:01

Today, my crush came up to me at a college party and said "I like you." I tried to be cool and said sarcastically, "Thank you. I like myself too. That was a wonderful prank." He was amazed, and asked me how I knew it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 256

Gentle prank

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 04:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my little sister swapped out the hard white cheese on the meat-cheese platter with slices of white chocolate and put some Skittles into the bowl of M&M's. My limited circle of friends and family in our safe social pandemic bubble think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 111

You did what?

By Now we both get punished! - 06/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 124

Weird family

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 173

By nerd - 19/11/2016 19:52

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 050

You deserved it 2 622

By LostSoul - 01/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 1 289

Reverse Uno prank

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my best friend, who I hadn’t seen since last year, picked me up and we got to talking about our memories together. I brought up the time we both cheated on our girlfriends at a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert. Little did I know his girlfriend was waiting in the back of the car to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 966

I like big butts and I cannot lie

By ThiccBoi - 02/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I was yet again cat-called while out jogging, with many men calling me "sexy lady" and even commenting on my "birthing hips", all because I chose to wear compression pants. I'm not even a woman, I'm just a guy with a really big butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 301

Congrats!

By Bittersweet - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 171

Inactive

By inbogota - 06/03/2021 21:30 - Colombia

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 187

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The Top

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 358

You deserved it 1 973

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 4 903

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 761

You deserved it 3 726

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 158

Today, I went to a different hairdresser than usual to get 5 inches off my hair and bangs. He ended up charging me half price, saying, "Don't worry, we all make mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 745

You deserved it 245

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never seems to have his own opinion, always agrees with me, and does whatever I want. That’s when he admitted he’s scared of me and is terrified of saying or doing anything I won’t like. I have no idea what I did to scare him this badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 549