Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML
Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML
Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML
Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML
Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML
Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML
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Top comments
tisvana20 6
What the hell indeed! I don't know, their light white skin, thick accents, and their ability on horses are easy to confuse... Wait... Never mind. I'm thinking about Prussians.
greenie213 23
She might be on to something. I've never heard of a Jewish Viking.
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Comments (193)
Epsilonyx 15
God bless her.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
Because he questioned her on it. Derp. Edit RE your edit: I guess you figured out how stupid your question was. Smart man.
Futacy 30
She probably started rambling on about Leif Ericson and OP realized from that. Edit: Damn! I spoke too late.
k_ninjaa 9
what was the original question?
stolencookie 17
1-god bless her alright. She desperately needs it.
toenibbler 14
Odin bless her.
greatdanen 6
pr May Thor strike her down
Jaxx66 21
Psh. If she's got some cash, Xenu will bless her.
Epsilonyx 15
I had asked how OP had come to the conclusion that she was referring to the Vikings. I skipped over the "asked what she was talking about" part by accident and edited accordingly when I noticed. Apologies.
tisvana20 6
What the hell indeed! I don't know, their light white skin, thick accents, and their ability on horses are easy to confuse... Wait... Never mind. I'm thinking about Prussians.
Pleonasm 36
You can do what Jewish, but don't go Norsin' around!
Feared 9
My ancestors come from Prussia, and I'm very white.
Argumental_Rhino 8
Prussia is modern Germany mostly, and a bit of the other countries bordering it.
T9FTW 20
SHE DUM.
I_lost_the_game 25
87- Oh the irony...
crazy4books23 13
Wow looks like your girlfriend needs a history lesson.
chatoyant_fml 12
Or more than one
Inheritance 10
Show her the movie about Anne Frank and see if she still think Jews are Vikings.
Delta2Almanac 7
Jew really think she knows who Anne Frank is?
WritingWrongs 8
-40, great mental picture, anne frank hiding in her attic, she hears the robotic footsteps of german soldiers. She strokes her long, flowing blonde beard, as her heart fills with bloodlust. She hefts her enormous battleaxe, and ATTACKS, RAPES AND PILLAGES! Those poor nazi's never stood a chance.
fylx100 19
Correct me if I'm wrong please, but isn't the boyfriend also being silly?... I mean, being Jewish is religion. I could become Jewish tomorrow if I wanted to. It's like saying that Christians were almost extinct. But Christians don't have to live in one specific area. They are around the world.
jillybee101 7
145- There isn't enough words to to describe the stupidity of what you just said.
deloria_fml 22
Well, the dogma obviously cannot die out and there will always be practicing Jews. However, what OP is probably referring to is the so-called Jewish race as defined by the NSDAP in the 1930s, where it was determined that people of Jewish descent with certain Jewish characteristics were deemed socially undesirable and had inferior rights to people of German descent with German characteristics. Nazi Germany didn't necessarily target people who secretly practiced Judaism (as other pogroms or purges did); it was more about exterminating them on an ethnic level.
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
141 - I'll be waiting for the movie to come out in 2014.
WritingWrongs 8
-163, based on a true story...
Syneriam 7
Wait... If they're not vikings then what are they..? On a serious note, fyl indeed. You picked a bright one ;)
paradox5150 0
yeah, fhl.. it's so tragic
Clioo_fml 17
Please tell me that was some form of sarcasm...Please.
reapy 14
yeah because the comment "on a serious note" means a lack of humor/sarcasm....
RvidxrKlvn 8
It wasn't, he was completely serious.
gc327072 31
71- it was, that's why she later said "on a serious note..."
CuriousAlien 7
77- you're DRIVING me crazy!!!
holeyman 8
I don't get why this person has a horrible life?
Teyros 24
People say the darnest things!
wlddog 14
Its pretty funny. My wife is a direct descendant of the vikings.
JOcoco 14
How are they even confusable? I mean...how? D:
onlychildFTW 34
Bad history teacher maybe.
Attica 20
@53: Mr/Ms. Garrison is the only teacher I can imagine to be that bad. I can just imagine how that lesson would go, judging by his others, like this one: Ms. Garrison: All right, kids, it is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution. Now I, for one, think evolution is a bunch of bull crap! But I've been told I have to teach it to you anyway. It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this... [she goes up to a large poster of evolution and begins pointing things out with her pointer] Ms. Garrison: In the beginning, we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its... [she waves her left hand limply] Ms. Garrison: ...mutant fish hands... and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this. [she points to a prehistoric mammal rodent] Ms. Garrison: Retard frog-sqirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a... monkey-fish-frog... And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey... and that made you! So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!
greenie213 23
She might be on to something. I've never heard of a Jewish Viking.
swedishviking 3
Im à jewish Viking
greenie213 23
What the heck? Just turn your back on Thor!
KingDingALing 9
But your username says- ...never mind.
swedishviking 3
You can be swedish and jewish
greenie213 23
Swewdish.
IdaE 17
17- please! Norwegians are the real Vikings!
actyankee 5
129- Nah the swedes and norweigeans are the vikings, those danes are the fakers. On another note the vikings were predominantly christian. Thor is from norse mythology, which is older than the vikings
jillybee101 7
142- Any country who has a Scandinavian background is considered viking blood. So yes, Danes are technically of Viking history. My bestfriend is a Dane. She was born and raised in Denmark. So.....
hogwartsbitches 6
Jewish Viking right here
actyankee 5
150- It was a joke. If any country is a faker it's Finland. It's technically not Scandanavian even though many people count it as such.
iPwn4Life 0
Blonde.
MonsterCommenter 4
How stereotypical of you....
EpicBlondie89 19
Really? You know there are some extremely intelligent blonde people in the world right?
ColdplaySucks 18
I believe the correct term here is Kardashian.
dennis96411 12
She's a keeper.
Futacy 30
After you complete your list of cliche catch phrases, would you mind posting something intelligent? Sorry for sounding so harsh.
dennis96411 12
Nope, not really.
KingDingALing 9
26- This is coming from the guy who thread jacks the first comment just to be on top.
Futacy 30
31- you act like you've never done it before. And what does that even have to do with anything? If you have some weird internet thing against me, send me a private message. Or you could just stand in line with all the other people waiting for me to give a ****. Have a nice day. PS, I like your username, it suits you.
KingDingALing 9
Even if I have done it then how would you possibly know that? I have nothing against you, but you're trying to be a smart ass and call dennis96411 out on his comment when you're no better. "would you mind posting something intelligent?" Well would you mind posting something relevant to the thread you're posting on? We don't need anymore thread jackers.
gc327072 31
License plate concurs with kingdingaling.
Futacy 30
66- Look at your last comment, you're calling me out on things I've done in the past, which isn't relevant to this thread either. If you want to complain about my thread-jacking, don't attack me at random, try posting a response to one of the comments that I actually did thread-jack. And it's obvious that this wasn't one of them.
KingDingALing 9
Unlike you, I'm actually replying to a comment that's in this thread which makes it relevant. Replying to a comment that isn't directed to that comment and is instead a comment that is directed towards the FML makes it irrelevant. You were called out on your thread jacking earlier today and unless I'm mistaken, you thread jacked the first comment on this FML also. You think this is random because you think this is about the thread jacking, but it isn't. This is about how you tried to call someone out on the quality of their post when you're no better BECAUSE of the fact that you thread jack.
Futacy 30
96- What the hell? I wasn't thread-jacking on this FML, it doesn't even sound right alone. If were on this FML long enough, or if you look at the similarity between my comment and 13's comment, you should be smart enough to tell that we were both responding to 1's FML, which he edited later. What I've been trying to say to you for this whole time was that you should reply based off of the comment itself, not the poster of the comment. If you have a problem with me, then just message me.
illmatic2 16
It's funny because I remember when I called out KingDingALing for threadjacking a long time ago. But since then he's been a pretty good commenter.
KingDingALing 9
That...was my evil twin ...and I'm sticking with that excuse. Yeah, I've done it before, but then KaySL yelled at me and everyone knows she's scary as hell so I stopped. Not sure how you recognized me though because I haven't been on FML for over a year.
illmatic2 16
I have a pretty good memory. And I think I also remember reading that thread on Sirinz.org somewhere.
Futacy 30
I'm done. -_-
KingDingALing 9
^ You should have said that as soon as you saw that all your comments were being down voted.
Futacy 30
113- I don't care what ten people think about my comments on this thread, my reason for continuing was to get my point across.
AH1Zviper 15
And you just keep talking!
illmatic2 16
They always do, man they always do. Someone has to get the last word in.
KawiRacer69 5
Did anyone make any popcorn for this?
AH1Zviper 15
No, But I got a Skittles.
emilyjgraham 34
When I argue I tend to want to get the last word and I've just seen how incredibly ******* annoying! You really should have just given up, you had no hope!