Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML
Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML
Today, I tried to sound like I had my life together by bragging to a friend about how I meal prep every week. In reality, I’m sitting here eating a cold slice of pizza for lunch that I found in the back of my fridge. FML
Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML
Today, I ordered a food delivery and tracked it obsessively because I was starving. When it 'arrived', I realized I’d sent it to my old address from two years ago. Support said it was “successfully delivered.” Somewhere, a stranger is enjoying my dinner while I eat crackers. FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, thanks to my wife’s obsession with expensive foods like chutney, relishes, exotic spices, and preserved foreign vegetables and herbs, I'm literally staring into a fridge full of glass jars, with a door that barely stays closed, and yet has nothing inside suitable to eat for my dinner. FML
Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML
Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML
Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must've been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 34
Whoa now, take it easy. At this rate, you'll end up killing someone.
Recon13x 9
Stale crackers? Ughhh I'd rather play with bullets.
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Comments (32)
GhostFox 34
Sounds safer than trying to kill yourself with chili peppers.
Lalala579121 28
What an astute observation you made there. It also sounds safer than playing Russian Roulette, but that's not really the point.
Recon13x 9
Stale crackers? Ughhh I'd rather play with bullets.
Dave_Davington 34
Whoa now, take it easy. At this rate, you'll end up killing someone.
TheRareDoge 12
Did you spin the box to make sure it would be more interesting?
Jared900DUmpling 30
I too like to live life dangerously.
RichardPencil 32
I sometimes throw a few Skittles into my plain M&M's just to add the risk of chewy disappointment to the otherwise chocolate-y bliss.
persephone217 24
0_0 some men just want to watch the world burn.
RichardPencil 32
Haha, yeah, I'm kind of a bad-ass. Sometimes I put salt in the pepper shaker and pepper in the salt one -- but only sometimes, because that would be predictable ;)
Stripez234 16
No one should dare refer to the heavenly divine fruity goodness as a "chewy disappointment"
RichardPencil 32
Sorry, but I don't like Skittles. When you're expecting the food of the gods (look it up, that's the Latin name for cocoa), and you bite down on a pencil eraser tasting of lab-concocted Frankenfruit, disappointment is the mildest term I can use.
damoonster 11
that actually ... safe
Mysterybounty 6
That is...sad
themrman 7
Jesus
Mechanize 8
Sounds like a good time to try skydiving. Remeber, you're gonna be with yourself until the day you die, so you might as well make yourself a little interesting.