Today, after I recently took our kids to a fair and they both turned out to be scared of clowns, and because the fair was my idea, my wife has told me there will be no sex at all until the kids stop having clown-themed nightmares every night. Two weeks so far and god only knows how long still to go. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML
Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML
Today, I lost yet another girlfriend because of my kids’ behavior. The last one told me, “I’d rather get fisted by Freddy Krueger than deal with those hellspawn of yours!” At this point, I’m going to be a single dad forever. FML
Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML
Today, its been three weeks since my boyfriend's "hilarious prank" went off. He hid a Bluetooth speaker in my son's room and played a scary clown laugh at 2am. Now my son won't even enter his room, much less sleep in it. My boyfriend had better learn to love sleeping on the sofa. FML
Today, because my husband wasn’t paying attention, he gave our 6 year-old his Netflix instead of the kid safe settings, so she watched a very gory horror film that has given her nightmares, so I now haven’t slept in 5 nights because of it. My husband face sleeps soundly through her screaming. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML
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Top comments
duchessdoughnut 2
You really want to be married to someone who weaponises sex?
d j mom 9
your wife is a bitch.
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Comments (7)
duchessdoughnut 2
You really want to be married to someone who weaponises sex?
d j mom 9
your wife is a bitch.
poopface82 25
Yeah, that’s reality with kids.
Lost Reggie 22
Find a sexy clown to bang.
DLBL 23
Tell the kids they get ice cream for breakfast if they have no nightmares about clowns.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Right, because it's your fault they're scared of clowns... if you'd known and took them, I could see her point. But if you didn't, well, she's being way too vindictive.
Yudith 28
There's a nice Caillou episode about how Caillou is scared of a clown and his Mom shows him that a clown is only a person in costume. You should show it to your kids. If it fails, family therapy is the next step.