Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML
Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML
Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML
Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML
Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they'd remembered, my dad's reaction was, "Oh! Really?" My mom's was, "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML
Today, I started my 17th birthday by having to clean my son’s extremely poopy diaper. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boss treated me to a day off work, except my mother called at 12:01am drunk as hell screaming, “Happy birthday” down the phone. When I finally fell back asleep, I awoke to my boss asking me to come in after all. FML
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Top comments
anon4ever 7
I'm a Marine, and Marines don't get to have cell phones during boot camp. You don't have it that bad. One day of scrubbing toilets won't hurt you. Soon it'll probably be someone else's birthday, and they'll do the same. Good luck in the military, OP.
SauceySarah 30
Can someone explain to me why they made OP do all of that laborious, gross stuff on her birthday? What's the lesson they are trying to convey? Does it teach discipline? Do they not want happiness? Genuinely curious.
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Comments (103)
bonetsky 3
I was in Army 20 years. None of the five branches allow the use of cell phone (beyond calling home). if you do have your phone its to call home, not post on FML. This poster is just trolling.
nat_fcw 2
Agreed! my husband just graduated air force bmt and didn't have his phone until he was on the bus to tech school. He got to use his phone like twice to call (which was rare as it was)
InfiniteSunshine 32
You realize, the use of the word "today" is a requirement in every FML. This could have happened in the past, and the OP is just posting about it now.
tygerarmy 35
I have Soldiers who had their phones on Sundays during BCT. The Army has changed a lot in twenty years. And this FML could've been written after Basic. But FML requires all FML's start with the word Today.
interesting33 37
Character building is just a phrase used to descirbe horrible things people do. In some ways it is like robbing someone or hurting them and then wanting gratitude and no complaints because they grow stronger through the horrible experiences.
JackWick 7
I spent my 22 birthday in Afghanistan. You're lucky
theRonin 18
You and me both brother but I was circling the Gulf! On top of that, had to spend it in medical for a broken ankle
Monica_J 7
Hahaha, Happy Birthday. It could be MUCH worse. At least you can come whine on the internet. And yes, it does build character.
Zebediabolical 45
I claimed 'Satanist' on my intake forms specifically because I wanted to be able to claim my birthday as a religious holiday. :D
ericanicole1 12
To everyone saying 'oh why would they do that? It's your birthday', do you think the military is like elementary school and someone's gonna bring cupcakes and everyone's gonna get you presents???? Like you're in the military, shit still needs to get done. And on future birthdays you could've missed your kid being born 2 months ago and trying to make sure your best friend (or yourself tbh) doesn't bleed out. It's the military (sorry I'm a realist)
Fairyjoshy 13
No, you're a jackass, not a realist. Realistically, she would receive no special treatment, good OR bad, on her birthday. But she DID receive special treatment - very bad special treatment. So your point is self-defeating.
quicksandy 11
I went through basic July-November 2001. We weren't allowed cellphones, games, music, or personal items. Be happy you have what you do.
Andrewx8 12
atleast your not being shot.... happy birthday op.
LAURA_EL_JUICE 6
Hey he likes you.
dguzman92 12
the fact that you're holding your phone is a gift you'd better cherish. we wrote home and only got to call home if someone was terminally Ill and you needed to say bye. suck it up buttercup and learn to appreciate what's given.