Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML
Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML
Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My family usually gives me a financial gift, but didn't this time and said nothing about it. I cooked my own birthday dinner without help, then washed everyone's dishes. I got my own cake and ate it alone because they were too busy getting drunk. Nobody bothered to sing Happy Birthday either. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML
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Top comments
chosha_fml 27
I know people say this on FML all the time, but do what you need to do to be okay financially and otherwise (place to stay, etc) and leave this guy behind. You don’t deserve life with this jackass. You know that, right?
Fata Morgana 1029 9
Time to throw out the whole man and get a new one.
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Comments (44)
Fata Morgana 1029 9
Time to throw out the whole man and get a new one.
sweetbliss3 37
she doesn't need a new one. she'll probably be happier man free. maybe once she realizes her worth she can find someone who knows how to act.
Coda James Matthew Blanchard 8
alright you feminist ****
Fata Morgana 1029 9
Touche.
chosha_fml 27
I know people say this on FML all the time, but do what you need to do to be okay financially and otherwise (place to stay, etc) and leave this guy behind. You don’t deserve life with this jackass. You know that, right?
GayF*Girl 4
Dang FYL bro
GayF*Girl 4
Dang FYL bro
WHSKitty4ever 23
“Bro?”
IAmClay 24
Don’t know if there is a problem with “bro” being used
Shawnie Gallant 24
Is he really worth it?
1gullible_bugger 34
sorry your husband is an ass, you deserve better. Happy birthday
Anducar 10
Sweetie, you need to get out of there. Don't throw your life away for this lazy excuse of a man.
playmaka 4
we all make mistakes
blackbird8 10
I'm so sorry. You deserve better. Today's my mom's birthday, and I gave my dad two cake options and asked him which one she would prefer. He had no idea. He said he had no idea if she even ate cake. They've been together for 30 years and he doesn't know anything about her; he doesn't pay attention to her, and he expects her to wait on him hand and foot 24/7. The last present he got for her was a necklace, when they had their first child...over 25 years ago. Nothing for birthdays, and nothing for Christmases, except for their first Christmas together. He got her a vacuum cleaner. Meanwhile, he expects pomp and fanfare for his birthday. The only thing my mom doesn't do for him? Wipe his ass. She's told me that she'll never leave him because she's scared of being alone. Please know that you are a wonderful human being and you deserve the world. You should be with someone who knows that. Don't make the same mistake of accepting him and living a sad and lonely life like my mom has. It's depressing to see, and it's heartbreaking knowing my mom is treated like crap. (If you don't have kids with this guy, leaving will be even easier. Just do it.)
WHSKitty4ever 23
Um, wouldn’t this be a separate FML… of your DAD’S?
acmariner99 25
What a f-cking narcissist
sparx1_1 12
Sounds like you should be having this conversation first with your father "Hey dad, why do you treat mom like shit?" and then finish with your mother "Hey mom unless you die first, you're going to be alone anyway. Leave now, while you still have a chance to be happy."
blackbird8 10
Yeah, I've tried. Dad's a POS who has never and will never change. He's self aware enough to realize that he sucks, but he's shitty enough that he doesn't care. And as far as my mom goes, she feels like she's a failure for picking him but she literally doesn't want to die alone. Now that my grandparents are getting older, she's starting to seriously worry about that. I'll never be able to change her mind, and he'll never leave her (even though all he does is complain about her) because he couldn't support himself on his own. Want an update on my mom's birthday? We were going to go out for a family dinner, until my dad pulled her aside for a 'private word.' That resulted in no dinner, no cake, and no presents. He's great at creating toxic environments when he feels like he's not getting enough attention. I just went and told my mom that I made her a cake and she got teary eyed and said we'd eat it together, tomorrow. Aka when dipsh*t isn't here. Oh, and I had to HIDE her birthday cake from him, because he's an inconsiderate pig and would literally eat the whole thing in the middle of the night.
interesting33 37
that.. that is abusive. What could he possibly have said to stop you all going to dinner??
cptncuttlefish 24
Your father is an abusive monster. Get out of there with your mother in tow. I know she’ll hate it but... no one deserves to live like this. Especially not a mother who has tried so hard for years.
WHSKitty4ever 23
And how long have you been married? If not long, ok, but if for years and things have been going like this for awhile, then it’s definitely a YDI.
Leviathene 34
That's a crock of bull. Why is it only an FML if they've been together a short time? Its worse the longer you are with a person, BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU KNOW. Its hard to be independent when you are with someone for a long time and hard to make that choice to leave as a result of that lack of independence. A bit of empathy goes a long way dude.