Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
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Top comments
mds9986 24
I hope your username doesn't depict another event that occurred.
Thomas1605 13
Damn I hope you didn't hurt yourself while jumping out the bed!
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Comments (52)
Dr_Lily_fml 17
All those "like a girl" "like a little girl" "like a little bitch" etc seriously bother me. F*ck your dad and all the macho men who think "we're men, we don't scream like ******* yeaahhhhh *beats his chest*".
the_real_dvd 21
Oh yeah... It's 2015. The year to be offended. Every woman I've ever been with has screamed and asked me to kill the bugs when they see one. I HATE roaches, and the ones where I live get big. But I do it because I'm the man. So don't blame men for this expression. Blame the women who scream and have us kill the bugs for.
drea07 5
I have always seen the words "screaming like a girl/little girl/whatever" to be more of a description, not something to put down the fact that girls seem more prone to screaming or whatever. Girls tend to scream more high pitched and drawn out, rather than just a short shout.
DA_JUDGE123 21
Now why does your dumbass have to start a fight? There is now point. Chill.
CyndiHouse3 5
You are totally within your right to scream. That is so gross. I would have died.
moocowmilk0 19
I feel you, OP. I had a **** roach fly down my shirt while I was driving and I freaked out
petert71 10
Screaming over a cockroach? Sorry but you deserve that one...
Yuso_Yagari 9
I think I stumbled into a comedy app xD
Shamandalie89 32
Wow, sorry but you're a pussy. I sometimes have scorpions in my bedroom and I don't scream.
Geckosrock99 33
OP, check to see if that was the only roach. In my experience, where there's one, there is more. Your house could be messy and just need to be cleaned, or your property could be infested, or anything like that. I suggest getting "roach motels" sticky traps for roaches. After they're full, just throw them out. They should help.
fmlperson8264 16
It's ok I would have screamed too. Bugs always make me scream.
verysmarmy 11
At least, you told him it was you screaming... How did you hide your sister so quickly?
saffy66 34
People think I'm fearless - until they're around when I encounter a cockroach. I don't look down on you one bit for screaming, OP. It seems like a natural reaction, to me.