Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
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Top comments
nick3600 22
Australia where else
HowAreYouToday 34
why don't you take those puns and shove them up your butt
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Comments (83)
thatonegirlnic 10
You cat to be kitten me right meow
HowAreYouToday 34
why don't you take those puns and shove them up your butt
J_Kertz 14
#1 You realize those puns were used on an FML like yesterday...
saba_ajira 29
Puns get you nowhere on this app.
JustinKirby 20
On the previous FML your comment got negatives, good job on this one
Jelbeztok 17
Puns have to be both clever and original to get upvoted on this site.
BeforeItWasCool 12
I groaned in exasperation for at least a full minute. That's a new record.
Doritozilla 20
You know who's good at those? Neoplasm.
nick3600 22
Australia where else
caohm 18
I hope you caught and got rid of it or you will probably never sleep again.
Ambient25 25
In the spider's head: "you remember when you threw a shoe at me and I fell on the other side of the bed? I remember too"
beelee1988 13
I think it's time to move somewhere else.
crimsonlover4 31
And I think it's time to burn down the house to...KILL IT WITH FIRE! FYL OP
Ambient25 25
" I saw a spider in my bathtub so, I got a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down."
jonahwalzer 12
Thats a awful way to wake up! I feel so bad for you OP!!!
tacojauns 45
Wow these are the shitty first comments i've ever seen even including my own
PIGaming 21
Was this comment solely for the purpose of attention?
BeforeItWasCool 12
42- Was yours?
tacojauns 45
I'm not going to lie I really really thought this was going to get down voted
nick3600 22
ikr they are retarded
Omfgitsmia 15
I can't imagine a spider being as smooth and furry as a cat.
Nyx_fml 23
Huntsman spiders might beg to differ.
Ambient25 25
most tarantulas beg to differ, including my own :)
Omfgitsmia 15
I've never touched one. Too afraid.
awkwardloveannie 28
the spider was cat sized... how did your cat not eat it.. sorry, I'd burn the bed
JAKASS200 5
Op should either grab a vacuum and suck it up, or my favorite, if you're man enough, get a tissue, light it up and very gently burn the.house down
awkwardloveannie 28
wait I'm confused how or where do you place the tissue
awkwardloveannie 28
it must have been jealous of the affection the cat got that's why it killed the cat and went to bed with op
ABillOnFire 15
Because OP lives in Australia
pandarammer 7
You'd burn the bed, I'd burn the whole house just to be on the safe side. Edit: @19 sorry I didn't see your comment till now. Great minds think alike?
Sports_guy3 28
Tom and Jerry: Tom finally kills Jerry.
Sports_guy3 28
#28- Correction: If OP was a man, then the spider beat the Pussy to the bed ;-)
falcon1987 10
The spider ate the cat, thats how! Does OP live in the amazon?
Rosebudx 32
Even spiders need some loving attention once in a while. I'm sure he appreciated the attempt at affection, however misplaced it was.
BMTHsuperfan 18
I don't think love is an emotion any spider can feel or appreciate.
cakefete2 31
Peter Parker disagrees.
falcon1987 10
Loving attention from my size 8 boot to the face!
andits 21
Yup time to burn somethings like the house perhaps
greeneyebeauty9 28
How did you get a cat confused with a spider? surely you'd feel the covers move when the cat would have went under them. then again you may have been too sleepy to function. either way, FYL.
olpally 33
That's terrifying! Wow. Run like hell!
cakefete2 31
They love when you run. To them, it's like foreplay.
macystar 14
#39, every comment I've seen you post has been ******* fantastic.