Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
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Top comments
Mordakai420 6
Damn he likes spaghetti...
jamalamadingdong 18
Well, he can get sex anytime, how often do you cook for him? He's gotta take this opportunity.
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Comments (185)
JudgeTroll 6
He screwed you over... Or not
zingline89 18
Saucy
Enslaved 38
That recipe calls for added BACON! You know how guys feel about bacon!(:
AH1Zviper 15
No one eats spaghetti with bacon dude. If Op's boyfriend would have yelled " SANDWICH!" Your comment would have been relatable.
perdix 31
#14, how the hell did you get buried for that? You just pointed out a simple fact that bacon in an ingredient in carbonara. It's not like you were mocking a burn victim. We ought to cry in our beers together.
koolkat27 13
89- OP didn't say spaghetti, she said Carbonera, which actually uses bacon pieces. Learn to read next time.
CharresBarkrey 16
92 - OP said spaghetti carbonara.
AH1Zviper 15
That's what carbonara is? Crap. I thought it was some fancy stuff. Sorry gray cat.
Tuffay 14
She said BACON... Thumbs Up!!!
gman90210 18
Now shoot yourself with your rickets
niplipsip 9
bacon... goes with everything. **** yeah, I'll put some bacon in my spaghetti. why not?
haywoodjuhblomee 1
What an idiot ... Who would pick spaghetti when something such a better choice was right in front of him? I mean obviously any right minded person would have picked lasagna.
Lady_Face 12
I guess you've never had spaghetti carbonara then.
haywoodjuhblomee 1
Oh I've had it and it has nothing on lasagna
grands138 4
That's when you say, "I guess spaghetti won't be the only limp noodle tonight."
perdix 31
Two guys today preferring food over sex. Is this like "punched in the face" day like we had a few weeks ago?
zingline89 18
I think it's because guys are capable of sex by themselves, but without their woman would starve :)
Enslaved 38
The FML themes do seem to come in sets, don't they?
CrazyManNo9 29
Yeah, they all seem to be starving for food when the women are starving for sex.
hawright 13
It's basic Algebra. Pasta > Pussy.
crazytwinsmom 25
Guys need to learn to cook for themselves too.
KaiserSD 8
I'm sorry, but this comment is epic win. Vagoo > Food any day of the week, and twice (or more) on Sunday.
ninjapiratejesus_fml 20
In US History we talked about how the first settlers of Jamestown were 100 guys and no girls. They ended up starving to death and eating each other's bodies.
WiseGuy79 14
Sounds like a response from a young child not a fully grown man...
evilplatypus 39
21 - It's immature to NOT think about sex 24/7 now? Holy crap, where have I been?
rintintin19 5
guess that didn't do anything for him either, better cross that one off, right under the naked lady costume, or maybe he really is hungry!
Bliss391 7
My old man would starve before he would choose food over sex. You must be an excellent cook!!
CharresBarkrey 16
I really hope that by "my old man" you mean your significant other and not your father, which is what I'm used to that phrase meaning.
KiddNYC1O 22
Or her 65 year-old boyfriend. *shivers*
gracehi 33
Oh is THAT what they're calling it these days? ;)