Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
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Top comments
Mordakai420 6
Damn he likes spaghetti...
jamalamadingdong 18
Well, he can get sex anytime, how often do you cook for him? He's gotta take this opportunity.
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Comments (185)
ratorr2 23
Guys are stupid when it comes to romance. If you want something then you have to tell him what you want.
CorruptAngel920 18
I personally take offense to that. I'd cook for my girlfriend and bought her a bouquet of roses for no reason at all. People just need to know what their lady thinks of as romantic.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without a boner make him food.
NigerianMedicine 11
Spaghetti and sex. The possibilities are endless.
skyeyez9 25
When I read "started clapping wildly and shrieked Spaghetti" I pictured a retarded kid.
dabeast15 7
Amen for a brotha who likes spagatti
CarouselHeart 11
To be honest, it kind of sounds like you think you're sexier than you are.
penguinazul 13
In my existence, I have learned that you get much better results by physically making the move instead of vocalizing it. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
yenidewi 11
so sexy ... :p
KaiserSD 8
I think it's time you met a real man who wasn't a gaping dillhole. FYL.
calisto_fml 3
He makes an excellent point!