Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
flockz 20
i think if you would have just come out and started speaking ****, you wouldn't be having this problem.
TrueTriage 16
Honestly I would've done the same thing as your boyfriend. It just sounds a little overboard good try though!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (180)
TheLittlePug 3
His loss!
siickman 7
I would have laughed pretty hard to but take into the consideration she was trying to be sexy and try stopping to get on with kinky sex haha. Laugh more about it tomorrow morning :p
ICastillo 25
When he started laughing you should have pulled the whip out.
samsaf1989 5
And given him a good ass whipping! That would have stopped the laughter rather abruptly :-)
crimsonprodigy 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He hasn't lost anything though. Doesn't matter, had sex.
Roevera 14
I'm pretty sure the point of the FML was that they didn't have sex..
fmlroooster 4
I hate black people
KrazieKleo 13
40- it does matter that you missed English class. FYL
outoftown 27
#40, He didn't get sex, but he got clean laundry.
lebronesque73091 12
Lol, I'm pretty sure that any man would find that funny.
aliishaxo 8
whole time they didn't have sex #40
Valdrek 26
Agreed, I would love it if my wife did kinky stuff like that for me, only she actually is Russian... And funny is sexy in the bedroom, I think so at least.
PinkieKeen 20
Remember OP, always just be yourself. Unless you suck.
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
I'm not gonna lie, this is hilarious.
TrueTriage 16
Honestly I would've done the same thing as your boyfriend. It just sounds a little overboard good try though!
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
Damn you thirsty!
iOceanus 18
I would have laughed too, but I would have went with it.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I am Olov and I've come to take you back to the mother land. Climb aboard my submarine, it's about to get wet. Haha sorry I'm not good at role playing. Or sounding sexy as a Russian.
hunteer9 5
Actually that's sounds pretty good to me.
aloring 14
Stop saying she tried to hard.. At least she was open to the idea of trying for him all he was doing is sitting there being rude. Why doesn't anyone see that he just being a closed minded jerk? And destroying her self esteem.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Aloring, where in this thread that you responded to did you see someone arguing she tried to hard? I think you're trying to hard to get your comment read.
davestrider 0
#2 it's not really as overboard as hilarious as ****. This is one of the don'ts of sexual roleplaying: don't say anything funny
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Aloring, please calm the **** down. Thank you
Carmstro 13
I can't believe OP would say a line as cheesy as that and then get offended that her bf laughed! I hope the FML was more complaining about not getting any vs. him laughing.
jesustitts 20
I completely agree. I would have laughed myself had I been the one saying it or hearing it. I'm surprised OP even managed to keep from laughing herself. This is quite a hilarious situation and you can't be mad at the boyfriend.
kaylabears98 3
I would have giggled and then got it in... He should have gone with it she tried
Krystal3408 32
Yeah the try was pretty hilarious
lwm 4
I'd have died laughing, and probably couldn't have gone with the spy thing, but any girl who both makes me laugh and goes through effort to try to sleep with me is a WIN. Not someone I'd want to leave alone that night.
evig_fml 16
Keep pretending, seduce him, and then kill him to stop him from getting the access codes!
Dr0reos 8
Yes when you're done report back to Boris at the kremlin and tell him the American agent has been neutralized(for some reason all I can think of now is a spy themed porno hmm..)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
In Soviet Russia, laundry does you!
TheGianaJinx 0
Wow. That was genius.
IQuicklyEscalate 0
In soviet Russia man reject woman.
Zano23 9
At least something is doing op.
Dr0reos 8
4-apparently girlfriend doesn't,too bad if someone had used that line about Russian and your **** I would be on that like shrimp fried rice
TheOnlyX 11
In Soviet Russia, one does not speak in ****, only vodka.
william8691 10
I think i pissed myself laughing at these comments lol.
Taylo12237 5
In Soviet Russia, laundry does you! ...but your boyfriend won't.
SheBeNeNe 16
Maybe he have a weak bladder and you caught him at a bad time.
P374RD3D 9
I doubt he would agree to have sex if he needed to piss.
wolfhausen 7
Your naïveté is quite cute 5. Hilariously cute.
Soloman212 28
35, unless he was into that kind of thing.
flockz 20
i think if you would have just come out and started speaking ****, you wouldn't be having this problem.
smiliecat 13
This comment made my day.
ICastillo 25
Haha ya then they can call Op the **** whisperer.
metaphoristic 8
She should've role played as a "snake charmer" if you get what I mean ;)
metaphoristic 8
Sorry I just realized my comment has nothing to do with the FML, haha. A bit too sleepy to be on this right now.
FilleNoir 21
47 don't lie, you just posted a lame comment. Happens to the best of us. ;)
Dr0reos 8
Yea I wish I could speak **** that well,I only know a few words. I can carry a conversation in ****** though and I'm fluent in butthole.it's what the parents spoke at home(I came from an immigrant family)
EpicSquishii 21
Hahaha! That's probably a good indication that Natalia isn't the best alter-ego for you. Maybe try Sexy Pedro or Samurai Sally :) Silly can be nice in bed, you know
ambear26 14
Sexy pedro ? That would make me laugh more than Natalia the Russian spy.
agonydrum 7
The Russian spy thing is kind of hot..but isn't Pedro a guys name? And samurais aren't really sexy.. and they're usually men as well
sean0206 5
Will you come be my sexy samurai? You're cute;)
anencephalic 14
76 - you spelled 'always' wrong. Japan did have female warriors, but none of them were samurai. Edit: this is going to get buried, isn't it?
agonydrum 7
Can you confirm 100% that no woman ever dressed up like a man an became a samurai? No you can't? Well that's why I said usually
BenL97 5
Think Mulan, she was Chinese but still.
Mister_Triangle 21
Mulan was also beheaded in real life when she caught, so "sexy samurai" should remain a shitty Halloween costume idea
TheOnlyX 11
No 76, Russian spy IS hot, you just haven't had enough vodka yet.
MagicStallion 9
See, you started trying to dirty talk him in English in a Russian accent, but what you didn't know is that you were secretly using your fluency in ****-speak to tell his **** to pee.
jvmateo 0
That's not how pee works but okay. ~logic Nazi
Spectre529 12
To be honest that would make me laugh too... But good try
AdrianIsCute 2
You can't blame the guy for having a good laugh, persistence is the key!!
jomannbokor 4
He probably posted the same story on My Life is Bro.