Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
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Top comments
Mordakai420 6
Damn he likes spaghetti...
jamalamadingdong 18
Well, he can get sex anytime, how often do you cook for him? He's gotta take this opportunity.
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Comments (185)
Connect 10
Look on the bright side! You must make a mean spaghetti carbonara! Or.. Oh wait
lksdliz 9
Yeah, bacon. Make yourself a bacon thong-best of all possible worlds.
Dairyking 8
It isn't sexy to try to be sexy, you know.
AkuskaUK 6
Awesome boyfriend!
Dairyking 8
Just throwing something out there. Might help in seduction? Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: licorice, lavender, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie.
61318nikki 8
Spaghetti carbonaras the best!(:
Elendil_fml 10
Hell yeah! SPAGHETTI!
sninaber 2
Get cookin!
justingummy 3
What a lucky guy! Spaghetti and sex!
theantonlolz 11
I wanna kick guys like this one off a cliff