Today, I spent the first day of the New Year helping out at an old folks' home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Ernie, an 83 year-old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML
Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML
Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So he's showing off his wit and sense of humor? Or is he showing off his character, honor, and integrity? What's the problem here? I don't understand.
Doortje 30
Earnie is my new hero :D
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Comments (87)
DocBastard 40
So he's showing off his wit and sense of humor? Or is he showing off his character, honor, and integrity? What's the problem here? I don't understand.
iknowimawesome 13
You crack me up ;)
blondeandhot 0
obviously not if he still likes to "show off what the lord gave him"
Nadinek98 0
and how is he delusional
macskapingvin 0
He shows off the beautiful voice the Lord gave him to sing praise!
ThatLooksSticky 16
Now we all know DocBastard's real name and age - Earnie, 83.
DaveOnDope 4
^^win
DocBastard 40
Sticky - I hope I still have the wherewithal when I'm 83 to show off my glory.
crazycornn 0
lol I love demented old people. I was at a nursing home to visit my grandfather and an old lady grabbed me by the arm and whispered 'the code is YA2EK2' in my ear. I then whispered back 'gotcha. I'll call in gamma squad while you distract the general' and she said 'ok' and told me good luck. xDDDDD
Doortje 30
Earnie is my new hero :D
Zmeilerr 22
Yay for Earnie!
Lukesmith86 0
I'm proud of him
RedPillSucks 33
A little too generic to be an FML.
Sirin_fml 47
Yes yes, but how is your comment any better?
FreshSalad 1
I like your new picture, Sirin. Reminds me of a salad I had in purgatory.
Lucidium 0
PWNED BY MOD !!! Ha!!!
SomeJeansANDkeys 0
Has this happened to you? No? Oh yeah.. SO generic. Happens everyday.
lalalalala666 0
how big is it
Hollisterbabe11 0
it's called HIPPA violation! you put a patients name on a website! just FYI and get over it. I work in a hospital and see it all the time. it's pretty interesting what patients will do. live a little
sallen0046 4
A first name for a patient in an "old folks home" in the state of California is not a HIPPA violation. OP did not give a last name, a facility name, or even a town name. It's not even remotely specific enough to violate patient rights nor does it provide any protected health information.
jtbh2012 0
yea. it does. it has their name
DocBastard 40
First of all, it's HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), not HIPPA. It's not a ******* hippopotamus. Second, this could be construed as a HIPAA violation since the spelling of the man's name (assuming it's the correct spelling) is unusual and OP included his age, part of his medical history (dementia), and state of residence. This could theoretically make it much easier to figure out who he is. I have no idea WHY anyone would want to look him up just to see old Earnie's junk, but that may just be my bias.
chillinAK 9
Thank you Doc. I seriously hate when people misspell HIPAA for some odd reason. Hopefully this I a fake name, since even volunteers must go through privacy classes. Eh.
macskapingvin 0
Well I'm certainly glad nobody violated a hippopotamus, Doc. That sounds dangerous.
ThatLooksSticky 16
A HIPAA violation occurs when more than one patient identifier is exposed. Technically, since the name of the patient and his age are listed, it IS a violation. One could argue, however, that the lack of a last name means this is NOT a violation. Let's cross our fingers and hope the OP's employer or one of Earnie's family members do not frequent this site.
whatyotalkinbout 0
Earnie is a real person? I thought that every FML was just made up by bored people.
RedPillSucks 33
Common Doc, it was much more interesting when it was a Hippo violation. I'd pay to see that.
FreshSalad 1
If my math is correct... ChillinAK had a kid when she was 15... practice safe sex everyone and remember always use a condiment on a salad.
thegoodlife101 0
just because ernie got old doesnt mean you have to call him out on fml, bert.
BahahahLOL 0
lol nice. MY TURN! :D I get nothin' but head, Beavis.
DaveOnDope 4
you can't call him out because of two balls anyway. it's the strikes that matter.
JizzKhalifa 0
Big L reference?
Driveshaft 5
would this be the same "Ernie" of adult flash toon fame? sorry but I don't believe this.
GabIsAWESOME 0
Th mn jst wnts bj! mb f gv hm n h'll stf nd whn 'r dn wth hm cld cm bck t m hs nd gv m n **ssmng r grl f crs :D
Doortje 30
Dude, you're like 12 years old. Go ask your dead granny to read you a story instead of wasting space on FML.
DocBastard 40
Just for fun, I'm going to run this through my Idiot-English translation engine to see what comes out. "This man just wants a better job! My boyfriend will give him one, and he'll stay friendly. And when we're done with him, he could come back to my house and give me a Nintendo! Assuming our grill flares of course!" Wow. I think we were all being a little harsh on Gab there. It turns out his message wasn't obscene at all. I'm glad we were able to work this out amicably.
jmacrules 0
true that^
miraggg 1
stay in school...
zanguard 0
Huked on foniks lerned me guud!
killadict11 0
haha nice one.
jkwanx88x 0
I think when he said "bj" I think he meant something else instead of better job lol
whatyotalkinbout 0
what the **** is wrong with you?
HussREC 6
WTF?!