Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
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Top comments
breakthesky 0
...I'm not going to ask.
shortgurlsaywahh 0
wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?
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Comments (201)
terriibabiiix23 0
where you peeing in the snapple bottle ?! lmfao.
QWERTYCommander 5
You have a big dick if you could get it stuck in a Snapple.
DeeDoubleYou 0
So you had your dick in a Snapple bottle because?
Sniper3000 0
....... a snapple bottle................
blondie_17_1992 0
wouldn't it be easier ( and less painful) to just use a sock? ydi.
KrazyKatLady 0
seriously? You know they have a song about that you know.... "wienie in a bottle;" look it up dude....... ydi. although i have to give you credit you didn't have to call 911.
moms_mistake 2
too late now but you realize you could've just said it was bruised and leave it at that. let her use her imagination and maybe she'll imagine your not such a weird perv
hellspawn666 0
get lonely??
monkeydan122 0
IT FITS IN A SNAPPLE BOTTLE!!! LMFAO!!!
Igor_g5 0
A Snapple bottle?