Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML
Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML
Today, I blew a tire without money for a spare, had to have my ex come get my kids, drove home on three tires, and possibly fucked things up with my girlfriend beyond repair. My girlfriend is the only person keeping me sane, and I might lose her. FML
Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML
Today, my ex claimed she missed me and asked me to come back, but when I gave her a polite and firm no, she turned nasty and keyed my car. Apparently, what she actually missed was someone mug enough to pay 2/3 of the household bills, while looking after her badly behaved brat whenever she didn't want to. FML
Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML
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Top comments
_Domster_46 16
Report it to the police and get a restraining order, that bitch sounds crazy to me!
cutycat136 28
Keep an eye out. She might be back to try that again op.
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Comments (83)
cutycat136 28
Keep an eye out. She might be back to try that again op.
slingerslasher 24
But nothing says "romance" quite like power walking off into the distance
TH_Insomniak 15
into the sunset would've been better
crudeandrudeguy 29
Something tells me she isn't smart enough to succeed
_Domster_46 16
Report it to the police and get a restraining order, that bitch sounds crazy to me!
kiaora_fml 11
Something tells me that the crazy bitch won't listen to a restraining order, I think OP will need to set up surveillance cameras to catch her in the act, before and after the restraining order.
Shade1982 21
Unless she actually did damage, the police won't do much about it. The best you might get is "attempt at ..." but you need actual proof, like a photograph with her and the knife for that. They won't do anything, especially a restraining order, without credible evidence.
mushroomcassette 21
What the fu.. Nope. That's perfectly normal.
HoboRain 16
Be like team rocket and just dig a bunch of hole traps to catch her
gte225 11
If he does that he'll end up in one of those holes.
gabriel57 4
the number of thumbs up in this comment is not high enough! :P
Zarcissa 34
Well, if he's gonna try that, he'd better make sure to not get blasted off... again.
mmmxr 11
It's actually not low enough..
ironmany_fml 23
but they always get blasted off
Nailpolishaholic 20
All the stories of crazy exes on FML make me paranoid about mine
Rosebudx 32
Sounds like you two had a nice, friendly break-up, if she's helping you with basic car maintenance. I don't see any crazy-chick problems here, just a good friend. /sarcasm
CoGhostRider 31
I disliked your comment for assuming I was too stupid to get your sarcasm.
Aimeejasmine 15
It's not about insulting your intelligence.. it's so they don't get pissy comments for no reason
theTravinator 21
#20 I've figured out that you kinda need to wait out the first few hours after an FML gets posted to see the majority response. Usually people get super angsty and angry immediately after its posted because they want top comment or are just mad they weren't fast enough.
Rosebudx 32
19, I promise I'm not trying to insult anyone's intelligence. I actually went back and added the last line because I have been downvoted in the extreme by people who didn't get sarcasm, like 20 said. It's like you just can't win on this site sometimes.
_kyleG_ 34
She wasn't lying- she'd just rather the pressure be 0
psychopolarbear 28
I like the way you think.
rydin10 18
I mean hey, the way you said it sounds like she didn't succeed (this time) so it's not necessarily FYL yet
jazzy_123 20
He's on her hit list. That's enough for this to be an Fml situation.
pickle682 17
Thank god you caught her. You should alert the police in case she does it again they will have a record
coklara 15
How about you show here the tire pressure by running her over!
fakedsincerity 32
No matter how crazy she is, attempted murder isn't the answer.
MandieL 27
I'd assume he was joking.
brand125 17
isnt this website for humor? but assuming everyone is serious must sound more fun
fakedsincerity 32
It's almost like I was joking too, #28. :P But also seriously don't murder anyone.
sorasaveshyrule 16
It's not murder if the body can't be found...