Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, after 2 years of searching, I finally have a job that I love. Now I'm probably going to lose it because I started having sex with one of my managers, and our coworkers are starting to catch on. They caught on pretty much the day I told him that we should stop having sex so we wouldn't lose our jobs. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
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Top comments
panicked 0
so the condoms are just piling up? give them to hobos in need or something.
um_duh 0
Perhaps you need to get out more & find ladies you can test the product on? If all else fails get yourself a blow up doll ;)
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Comments (136)
gigyfly 0
I wudnt use that as a pick up line
FeeBeeFerSure 0
Give them to the poor. I'm sure they're getting way more sex than you are. FYL.
SirJohn_fml 0
This sounds fake.
castro4life 0
just **** it man ,you still better than , my condoms about to expire,,,,,i got them last year, , :D
Petethegreat36 0
grammar fail.
djh1996 0
Well this could be an fml if you've been working there longer then 20 days and your older then 16...
csfisagelding 0
can't stop laughing. maybe you should get a job in a vinyl girl factory.
livingdeath 0
Personally, I know I'm gonna get flamed for this, I think not getting laid until you get married is a good thing. Sorry.
livingdeath 0
Thanks 42.
BaldOuting 0
but once you do get laid you are prepared.