Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, after 2 years of searching, I finally have a job that I love. Now I'm probably going to lose it because I started having sex with one of my managers, and our coworkers are starting to catch on. They caught on pretty much the day I told him that we should stop having sex so we wouldn't lose our jobs. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
panicked 0
so the condoms are just piling up? give them to hobos in need or something.
um_duh 0
Perhaps you need to get out more & find ladies you can test the product on? If all else fails get yourself a blow up doll ;)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (136)
HAHAHSUCKS4YOU 0
Ayo ssfchik you just jealouse that the only thing touchin yo dick is yo hand
thecure_fml 0
Soo? What Is The Problem? Dont Get One Then. Lol
archfreak529 0
Dude, if they give away the condoms then they're probably broken... i wouldn't trust it haha
rachelbrianna25 0
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mac_fml 0
at least you'll be prepared for when the time comes.
heyyhung 0
wow haha
aback 5
QUIT TELLING PEOPLE WHERE YOU WORK.
that_guy_you_are 0
I **** GOATs
redbluegreen 41
Big deal. I'm sure you're not the only one in the office not getting laid. It doesn't matter where you work, and if it's a big deal to you, just go out and meet someone. Companies give out free stuff from time to time, this place wouldn't be any different. Either you find a use for it or you don't. The end.
xHaniffax 0
"Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms....Tomorrow, I am an accountant...." So is it ONLY "Today" that you work there for?