Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML
Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, I went to the drug store to pick up a few things. After looking for condoms for 15 minutes, I asked the cashier where I could find them. She said they keep them behind the counter due to theft. She refused to sell them to me, because they're for customers who might actually need them. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
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Top comments
Dennis Lively 4
Why? who gives a shit what they think.
RichardPencil 32
That's a great move! We all know that gas station workers are powerful influencers of the local single ladies. Once the gas station people put out the word that you're a player, you're going to finally have to use those condoms you've been hoarding! (For their nominal purpose and not making water balloons.)
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Comments (5)
Dennis Lively 4
Why? who gives a shit what they think.
RichardPencil 32
That's a great move! We all know that gas station workers are powerful influencers of the local single ladies. Once the gas station people put out the word that you're a player, you're going to finally have to use those condoms you've been hoarding! (For their nominal purpose and not making water balloons.)
Ambrily 27
Sometimes I love you.
thefmlman2011 37
I’ve done that, but I brought them at the supermarket, they’ve now expired.
jobekka 20
well it's a good idea to have them, I'd you don't have any already. otherwise I don't see the point in spending stupid money, next time buy lube or something, alt least you can use that to get yourself off, and they'll think you have a crazy sex life instead ;)
thefmlman2011 37
Yeah, I don’t know why I brought them in the first place. I haven’t gone down the road of buying lube. So many options. Might wait til I have someone to apply it for me. Sounds hotter.
coius 23
Interestingly, I haven’t bought condoms in like 3+ years. Married, i have sex but its hard for my wife and I to conceive. No kids yet, but not for a lack of trying. I’d say we’re lucky since we can “do it” with no contraception, but we’d like to have a kid next year and are finding it rather difficult to achieve that goal. I think I may be like Homer. All the electronics I play with musta nuke’d “The Boys.”
lev 11
sorry to hear that.
Chazzster 32
Of all the places to worry about what the sales clerk thinks - A gas station? That’s just dumb.