Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML
Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML
Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, after 2 years of searching, I finally have a job that I love. Now I'm probably going to lose it because I started having sex with one of my managers, and our coworkers are starting to catch on. They caught on pretty much the day I told him that we should stop having sex so we wouldn't lose our jobs. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
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Top comments
panicked 0
so the condoms are just piling up? give them to hobos in need or something.
um_duh 0
Perhaps you need to get out more & find ladies you can test the product on? If all else fails get yourself a blow up doll ;)
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Comments (136)
Yang_yang 0
Just because you work for a condom company, doesn't mean your gonna get laid.
csigabajnok 0
Since... when? Last week, or what?
kdb_fml 0
Haha, you jinxed yourself! The one time that you get all the free condoms you want, you don't get laid! Is that Murphy's Law? Its one of them.
yuyo_fml 0
then get yourself fired
amiss 2
Simple correlation or unfortunate causation? (#72/74/91, every FML is prefaced with "Today," whether you like it or not.)
justdesserts 0
YDI for not being desirable.
redbluegreen 41
#91/ xHaniffax - It's just how the site works. The OP could have possibly worded the FML without putting 'Today,' in front of it, and the FML staff just added it in after. If the FML was re-worded and put in a different order, it would've probably fit better, I admit. Here's an example: Today, my company gave away free merchandise to their employees. I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. I haven't been laid since I started working there. FML But see? Same FML really. It doesn't mean that tomorrow it'll be something different.
xHaniffax 0
I know every FML is started with Today but like #100 said - It could have been worded better and thankyou
nonotme 0
Who lets these absolutely shit FMLs through? #1, you and your kin are killing this site. Please stop.
AdamGD 0
Just go up to some random girls and say, " i work at a condom factory, and i need to test our product. Can you help me?" it will work more often than what you are currently doing.