Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
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Top comments
sciullo 14
I'm glad to see doctors still find medical terminology childish
that_band_nerd 22
Well OP, your name sums it up pretty well.
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Comments (148)
Beepbeep7 14
I wish I had doctors like you.I would much rather have a doctor laugh at terminology than be a complete arrogant douche.
elmatador615 12
How did you become a doctor?
KB616 11
Med school...?
metalcrazed 21
I don't blame him for being angry,poor guy! Perhaps next time get a nurse to tell him.
thisisg 9
lol the term is very visual that's probably why.
Meanmommy02 11
Rubber baby buggy bumpers.. Say it in the mirror until you feel you can say anything without laughing
perdix 31
Here are some terms you'll find absolutely hilarious: Malpractice lawsuit. Conduct unbecoming of the profession. License revocation. That's my time, good night!
Stitcher 14
That was really unprofessional of you... One of my close friends has IBS and it's a really sucky thing to have. Douchey thing to do OP, YDI. Save your laughter for when you're not in front of the patient.
bluemidnight 9
Wow I like how everyone hates the doctor. I bet half of you don't even have a job not even talking about a professional one. So what if he laughs? He also has to face death everyday and tell others they have cancer. Give the man a break.
alycion 39
Professions that deal with a lot of horrid stuff often have people who develop an odd sense of humor. Mine is still quite twisted from when I worked in television. Being surrounded by so much misery and destruction everyday will kill a person unless if the develop a defense mechanism. The problem with the humor one, it often comes out at the worst time.
toomanyidiots 14
"Face death every day"? You DO realize doctors specialize? Not every doctor is an oncologist. Not every doctor deals with terminally ill patients... What doctor do you go to, if all his (her) patients are dying on him (her)?!
glabberfasted 16
70 - A lot of specialties deal with death, not just oncologists. Not to mention, EVERY doctor who goes through med school deals firsthand with death. ER docs, cardio, surgeons, neuro, trauma... Nearly every doctor will at some point in their career. And cancer isn't the only terminal illness.
pandalover69 26
I don't have a job but that's because I'm a full time student, OP went to school for at least 7 years to be a doctor, he needs to get over the word spastic or else he's gonna get fired one day after he pisses off the wrong patient. Just because I don't have a job doesn't mean I don't know how to be professional, the OP is a ******* doctor and he can't tell a patient they have spastic colon without laughing, that's pathetic.
toomanyidiots 14
74 -- And? Internists? Primary care doctors? Which doctor do you think OP has, 74? 43, of course, apparently thought otherwise: "He's a doctor, he MUST be diagnosing people with terminal illnesses like cancer (EVERY DAY)!!1!!111!!!!" Of course all doctors will "face death" eventually, even if it's patients dying of old age over the years, as has been in my father's, mother's, and aunt's practices, but saying that ALL DOCTORS "face death every day" -- especially when that is HARDLY the case -- as an excuse to laugh at a diagnosis is deplorable.
CallMeWindSock 24
I think you'd have learned some professionalism after so many years of school to become an M.D.
bluemidnight 9
I have a lot of doctors in my family. A lot of times they have humor about things because their job is so hard and serious. He probably didn't mean it in a bad way at all. It's the doctors who never laugh you have to watch out for. They are the ones who probably don't give a shit. Trust me, I would know.