Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sciullo 14
I'm glad to see doctors still find medical terminology childish
that_band_nerd 22
Well OP, your name sums it up pretty well.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (148)
cmm92 4
That's horrible....
an3ph 20
If you are anywhere near where I live, I'm your new patient.
EmmaMK 35
Most people have words or use terms that they find funny. I'm often scheduled to do a hand job (revise a document on paper by hand instead of edit on screen). To stop myself laughing a have to say the word over and over in the loo before hand and think of something dull.
israelnotjacob 20
You have no right to practice medicine. Yeah even certain medical conditions in the right context can be funny, but that context is never right in front of a patient who's been recently diagnosed. I can't believe someone as immature as you even graduated medical school, but this is living proof that having a degree doesn't necessarily prove you're smart and especially mature. Go back to school until you are an adult.
bazookajoey 27
How about act professional? You're a ******* doctor & that's people lives you're laughing at
MysteryGuest214 10
Think about becoming a pathologist.
Selvyys 4
It is good to see that you can have fun on the job but I would try to keep that more personal in case you offend someone.
brandoneyez1 25
that's not cool. Your patient has a spastic colon. What is that again? Sounds bad, and funny at the same time. Lol
littlekellilee 45
Who said anything about a hospital? If he's giving this news he's likely a general practitioner and has a practice somewhere.
RenegadeRDW 8
You're a doctor with no self control. Hope i don't end up in your ER.