Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
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Top comments
sciullo 14
I'm glad to see doctors still find medical terminology childish
that_band_nerd 22
Well OP, your name sums it up pretty well.
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Comments (148)
Mommy_of_one 2
I have a spastic colon and I would have laughed with you OP.
pandalover69 26
You obviously don't know what that is because if you did you wouldn't laugh. Spastic colon is when you literally can not control the shit that's coming out of you. You could randomly shit your pants and there's nothing you could do to prevent it. Would you be laughing if that's what you had?
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
You dumbass, 99. I also have spastic colon. It's another word for IBS. Abd I have no problem "controlling the shit coming out of me." Come back when you have a clue what you're talking about.
Mommy_of_one 2
That's funny, I have never shat my pants and control it
maxhhh 18
Your bedside manner is great.
rob02 19
good job there doc.
takuan2k 13
This dude cannot be a doctor. Spastic colon isn't even a real thing.
glabberfasted 16
He's either a GP, Gastro, or ER doc. With as many people who go to the ER with constipation, I wouldn't rule out ER physician.
PizzaDeliveryGrl 19
Though I can't blame you, a part of being a doctor is controlling yourself when it comes to these situations. Takes time.
pandalover69 26
It takes at least 7 years to become a doctor, the OP had more then enough time to get over it.
Kain713 14
Aww come on people, if I was ever diagnosed with a spastic colon I'd probly laugh, why shouldn't the doctor?
Ms_ValS 27
You truly are doctor immature. How could you laugh at the illness of a patient. My advice is to say it many times to yourself, laugh it out, then meet with your patient.
MissBubblesXoxo 17
You are way too childish to even be playing the 'doctor doctor' game with your dolls!
itooamscrewed 10
Yeah living the rest of your life in intense pain and praying that your attacks hit you at night so you can still hold down a job is super funny.