Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
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Top comments
sciullo 14
I'm glad to see doctors still find medical terminology childish
that_band_nerd 22
Well OP, your name sums it up pretty well.
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Comments (148)
tompou6 19
How the hell did you get though med school?
Vlakmir786 3
I have a doctor relative who is the smartest woman I know - she's won awards, been published, researched crazy difficult things, etc.... She's also the first person at the dinner table to make poop or fart jokes. Stop holding people's personal lives/personality accountable to your perception of their profession.
Vlakmir786 3
It's ridiculous how upset people are. Poop is funny. Especially when spastic. As if you guys don't have odd-ball moments or things that make them laugh for no real rhyme or reason. Sure, the OP should have taken a second to gather himself (as if doctors even have a spare second), perhaps...and the patient was probably more mad that it seemed like the doctor was laughing AT him for his condition rather than about the naming of the condition. Perhaps if people realized Doctors were people too, and not just drones to fix them on demand...they would lighten up
edwanny 2
Awesome lol.. I'm in college studying to be a forgot just doing my aa right now but if I do become a doctor I will probably be like u lol
YellowSquirrel92 17
Your immaturity has brought shame to doctors everywhere.
sb601 9
Not only do you deserve it. You're an idiot. If the term "spastic colon" makes you laugh, you could have just told the patient that he/she has IBS.
Devul143 12
YDDI... you're a doctor, be professional for Christ's sake or give ME your degree; twat.
HighasaCloud 46
What part of the word "uncontrollable" don't you understand?
TcheQ 12
I imagine the diagram has wording "kablooey" and a droolish colon pulling a spastic face
Tannasgh 22
Perhaps the term "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" would be less likely to tap your funny bone...
MissLarissa 2
I also think it's hilarious and when I was in medical school, I laughed more than I ever had in my life. I would love for you to be my doctor:))
000david000 5
YDI, that's rather insensitive, considering this is bad news for the patient.