Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
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Top comments
sciullo 14
I'm glad to see doctors still find medical terminology childish
that_band_nerd 22
Well OP, your name sums it up pretty well.
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Comments (148)
arre2006 19
so many years of school yet you haven't matured a single year
slyronit 3
You're not only a terrible human being, but also a terrible doctor. The term "Spastic Colon" is not used anymore. It is "Irritable Bowel Syndrome".
edmunson 22
Doctors are human too, and shockingly NOT perfect.
benjnewberry 9
Sounds like he was getting sick of your shit.
CaliChris 9
Ah - nothing funnier than a debilitating, humiliating recurring condition. Well, only if you're the one giving the diagnosis!
shadowofbong 16
dick
chrismace 11
I am with the people who don't understand why you didn't just call it Internal Bowel Syndrome. That is the more common name for it anyway, especially if you know you find the name funny. I have IBS and I had to look up Spastic Colon to figure out what it was. It is a life long disorder with no cure. Your patient had every right to be mad.
rawme21 12
*irritable.. You should know that about a condition you have.
CrazyMelvin 14
Not cool. If it were me, I'd spread the word about how bad a doctor you are. I guess you slept through your bedside manner class
CrazyMelvin 14
Oh, and you need to grow up.
bsmiranda 7
don't think you're an actual doctor.
itzjstnx 18
judging by ur name... YDI.