Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML
Today, my therapist started laughing at me whilst I was telling my story. He said, "Sorry, I can't help it" and burst out laughing. FML
Today, out of pure exhaustion, I laughed way too hard at something my coworker said. I got the giggles, and I couldn't stop. When everyone stopped talking, I realized I was the only one still laughing, sounding unhinged. I need a vacation. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
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Top comments
sciullo 14
I'm glad to see doctors still find medical terminology childish
that_band_nerd 22
Well OP, your name sums it up pretty well.
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Comments (148)
sammyjo06 14
This one doesn't make any sense. It's far more common to refer to spastic colon as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
zoepie 7
Way to be professional OP.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
I'm laughing in spirit lol
Nilorak 24
Huh?
notsofriendly 17
Geez, lay off the doc. So he messed up and made someone pissed, pretty sure ALL of us have done that at our jobs!
PenguinBitch 44
But what if we're unemployed? What then?
metalcrazed 21
Perhaps, but most of our jobs don't involve serious medical problems.
annie_nk 23
I'd love to see what DocBastard would say to this.
DocBastard 40
As much as I hate to agree with the majority here, OP's behaviour was pretty atrocious. I make jokes with my patients all the time, but never inappropriately. And laughing at a condition, even one like IBS (which is non-life-threatening), is NEVER appropriate.
justindrew14 29
Me to I'm still waiting for him to show up.
onlychildFTW 34
He posted that comment about 5hrs before yours, you must have seen it.
JMichael 26
You should be more considerate of your patients OP.
Jst4kicks 16
Your patient should of diagnosed you with a concussion
Tdrizzzzzly 19
And you should have paid attention in English class better.
PizzaDeliveryGrl 19
#80: You might want to try doing that yourself.
erin37 27
School of comedy anyone?
ilovefall10 21
I have a spastic colon (another term for IBS). It's not funny at all. Imagine having to use the bathroom multiple times a day, not to mention having sudden episodes of diarrhea PLUS episodes of constipation. Just be thankful you have normal bowels.
SMHsohard 22
Wow, I haven't heard it called "spastic colon" in about 25 years. If you really can't control yourself, why don't you just say "irritable bowel syndrome"? Practice in front of a mirror until you can say it without laughing.
crazytwinsmom 25
This may be one of the reasons why they started calling it IBS, so the docs wouldn't laugh when they said it.