Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out, "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes; she responded with, "Wow, hope I never have to see that." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my crush for the first time since she rejected me and said she was a lesbian. The man she was passionately making out with in the dining hall would state quite the opposite. FML
Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML
Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML
Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML
Today, I overheard my crush and his friend talking about girls they would date. When his friend mentioned me, my crush said, “If she wasn’t fat, hell yeah.” Choking back tears at school for the rest of the day was not an easy task. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML
Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML
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Top comments
chrissyj84 2
Someone's picky picky when it comes to uncut dicky.
arienh4 0
I really don't get the fact that so many people in the US are circumsized, nobody does it over here except for religious reasons.
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Comments (169)
noodleless 0
uncut dicks can be hot too.
gunnar7240 0
this dude deserves it.
johnathon17 0
that chicks an idiot. there isn't anything wrong with an unmutilated penis.
johnathon17 0
that chicks an idiot. there isn't anything wrong with an unmutilated penis.
UnderstoodCat 0
Are you serious? I'd just say " you don't know me well enough to be asking me questions about my dick. " Problem solved
UnderstoodCat 0
Are you serious? I'd just say " you don't know me well enough to be asking me questions about my dick. " Problem solved
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
I would have said "Wanna find out?" ahaha
Dashelle 25
You deserve someone who cares more than your body.
MichellinMan 20
Oh god. Not another argument about circumcision.
shannondotjpeg 0
omg, what the hell. -.- poor you.
mypod66 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
holy shit your ugly
joeyisinsane 0
shove ur uncut **** I'm my urethra please
kurttimbob372 0
*you're. and I don't think insulting people to make yourself feel better is a good idea.
destinyo_ox 0
90- at least she has a picture of herself,you are probably too scared to put one.
ihatecake 0
and how bout you 124...
97currie 0
90 i think she's pretty, and i like her hair, you douchebag.
Jdeluxh 12
She is beautiful. What are you talking about?
TheApocalypse 5
And you 125? Where is your picture? Because I sure as hell don't see it.
isallwaysme 27
what's the matter with uncircumcised penises? I'm sure they all function the same.
wellnowwhat 6
#152 I think #2 was just asking how the hell the OP's crush could be so rude, not why he was uncircumcised. I agree with you that cut or uncut doesn't make a difference :) As to our OP, you'll find a much better girl, my man, she isn't worth a second thought. I'm cheerin' for ya!
fail_1 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
dumb ass should have said no... maybe you would have gotten laid
kukopia 0
If you really think that, I feel sorry for you.
Mads_1234 28
Then she would've known he was lying -.-
chrissyj84 2
Someone's picky picky when it comes to uncut dicky.
andrewzzz 0
lol
MarcoRangos 4
I laughed for two minutes solid at that.
Mx_Rider 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
**** that bitch "run up in her house,put it in her mouth"
arienh4 0
I really don't get the fact that so many people in the US are circumsized, nobody does it over here except for religious reasons.
prosive 1
Agreed 100%, it's mostly a US and religious thing. In Europe / Asia, it's much more rare. I think people are turned off by the hype they hear. If people don't clean their dicks, that's their problem, not a problem of being uncircumsized. There are pros and cons to both sides. Some say sex is more comfortable with uncircumsized dicks and less lube is needed. I'm not really here to debate that though. IMHO, OP, instead of having your current attitude, I would go after her and disprove the stereotype :)
ninjb 0
#6 where are you?
charliikhk 0
ohh i see cos i live in UK and this FML confused me since i know like no guys that have been curcumcised haha
Poepiepiesie 3
Retarded american jews, cutting your dick because why? It ******* hurts and can cause all kind of complications such as infertility and the loss of feeling. Tl;dr Jews+muslims are retards in science and health.
griddy24 18
Arabs came up with our entire numerical system you ass
Alai 14
Nearly 60 percent of boys in the United States are circumsized in the first days or weeks after birth.Is that true?
stupiddumbblonde 0
what's uncircumsized mean?
Jujube93 0
Getting Circumsized means the guy gets the extra flab of skin cut off his dick normally at a young age. Being uncircumsized means they didn't get the falp of skin cut off so it's still there. Circumsized dicks are cleaner and look better.
jessejsd 0
ha its when guys get the skin cut off of there dick
amp88jr 10
Your name says it all
Jujube93 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dicks that are circumsized are normally cleaner and look better. Dicks that aren' circumsized are more likely to be dirtier and have disesases (I'm saying just STD's) but since the extra flab of skin is there a lot of guys don't clean UNDER it so all the dirt and sweat from daily life build up there too just like any other part of the body so if they aren't cleaned regularly and throughly then it's just dirty and can carry diseases. I prefer Circumsized guys but w/e it's a choice sorta. I do think he shoulda said no though because yeah sometimes following along with a joke is fun if people know you were joking though. I doubt she thought it was a joke so now she really thinks that the guy's not circumsized and apparently she doesn't think "uncut" dicks are attractive.
prosive 1
As much as #11's grammar sucks, he is still right. You don't just randomly develop a disease from being uncircumsized... You get it from having unprotected sex with someone who has an STD, and in that case even if you were circumsized you'd still have a great chance of getting it too... If someone has an STD regarless of cut or uncut, you probably shouldn't be ******* them, or you should be using protection...
LaughingAtJuu 0
by cleaner you mean if the guy has some good hygene right? cause there are some dudes that dont wash for days or weeks or even months. Circumsized or not, dirty is dirty. You really cant generalize like that. Hygene is a topic that doesnt care about weather your snipped or not. Just be clean! and its known through the sex world that men with uncircumsized penis' need less lubrication. Not to mention there are some women who like it better... but hey to each chick their own dick.
dfwgirl7 0
JuJube, you're spouting off American propoganda lies (yes I am also American). New studies show that cut is generally no safer or cleaner than uncut. My husband is uncut and I like his just fine. If I were to have a son I would not be having his done. You can have it done as an adult and he can do that later if he so chooses.
blue8795 0
Agreed with Elksy 100%. Hygiene matters, I don't care how you look down there.
Jujube93 0
just so you know I was saying that since some guys are lazy when it comes to hygiene diseases can form and I had a typo I wasn't talking about JUST STD's. It can get really nasty if the guy doesn't properly clean. It all matters on how well the guy cleans himself.
LaughingAtJuu 0
No you weren't "just saying that". You ignorantly generalized that men with uncircumsized penis are dirty. That's untrue, a guy with a circumsized penis doesn't shower for 2 day tell me youll want to suck on his rod when he pulls down the undies and you get a wiff of some crazy man musk. Your ass will almost puke on him. Some women done clean their clitoral hood or their inner lips, and that mess gets a funky smell. Its all on cleanliness now how its put together. True uncircumsized penis are easier to wash, but pulling the foreskin won't take aslong either...
saunder 0
@jubjube93 mine is clean and looks just perfect! and i never had an STD as well... did u learn that at school or u just had it with a lot of men who dont wash themselfs and xxx around with dirty girls wich gave them stds? ;P most common place to get an STD is from a pussy thou ;)
LaughingAtJuu 0
That broad is a virgin... bet you anything she thinks vulvas are ugly too...