Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML
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Top comments
jlt93 0
And your daughter is how old?
Jacobt24 19
That wasn't a good hiding place to start with. It's not even hidden.
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Comments (103)
DjeePee 25
Auwch. Well, look at the bright sight, at least she didn't burn your house down.
Mr_Saikaly 35
true
Livinia 11
On top of the fridge? Come on, kids are smarter than you think. Try hiding it in your sex drawer. Your daughter's not going to check there, and it'd make you look like you have some pretty kinky sex.
sakforduc 0
nothing like a flaming ***** in the morning.
ShyAnn29 15
Or flaming pubic hair
Jovecove 13
Or **** on fire. no?
heatlove5stars 0
oh spray axe on the pussy and light it on fire the guy puts it out with his dick (the axe fire won't hurt if he's goin fast enough)
fluffyrocka 0
Too far... Way to far with the spray...
ShyAnn29 15
Oh my 76....that just sounds painful! I don't think the guys ejaculate would help fast enough before burning the girls skin....OUCH!!
wisericky 12
umm payback is in order, but the darn lighter is out of juice, you can borrow my flamethrower. >:D
Parazad 16
You just got burned. That idea was blazing so much, it was just on fire.
genesisnirvana 11
No. . .just no
redbluegreen 41
Somehow? Kids are clever. Putting something out of reach only makes it that much more desirable.
salvorican 24
Well if its the fridge I'm sure she could stand on the counter or pull up a chair. My little cousin is 4 and even he can reach everything on top of the fridge. So ydi for thinking it was a good hiding place op
the_gabe254 0
they are. when I was young, my mom told me I couldn't play with matches or she'd find out and I'd be in for it; when you meet my mom, you know it's not empty threat. lol. So I would always be sooooo careful when I played with candles or matches. I mean come on, let's face it: kids will always play with what they're not supposed to. lol. Hence the need for emergency room visits at three am for kids with random items sticking out of different bodily orifices. lol.
Chocodeadly 6
I quite agree with the kiddo, sounds like loadsa laughs.
mizzblondey1313 7
haha sorry that really does suck. my friends boyfriend was high and he was playing with a lighted behind her. he accidently lit her hair on fire then put it out witha "whoops"and a nervous chuckle she then smelled burning hair and looked and saw her hair singed hope your hair isn't damaged two badly
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Cool.
IamVexatious 0
cool story bro, tell it again.
sexxme 9
I'm curious as to how old she is. Revealing your daughter's age in this fml would have been nice.
TheNewGuy03 29
ladies and gentlemen, this is NOT the proper way to channel michael jackson's spirit...
miserypoison 13
she ain't too good at emphasizing.