Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
You've raised an evil genius, congratulations, OP! You should be very proud!
caterinette 12
Seems like you have a little Targaryen right there...
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Comments (103)
lex1459 38
You've raised an evil genius, congratulations, OP! You should be very proud!
bcalle 8
You are the mother of the mother of dragons. Don't **** with her
x3jmac27 22
Scary shit always starts with the children!
NamesIncognita 15
As another evil genius,That kid is going places
colinabi 13
what the? How did that happen .
I_Like_Dogs 28
She must be a ginger.
redrain567 16
Or Satan's reincarnation. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
okokalright 15
Well there is something called congenital analgesia where a person can't feel pain at all. Or she just never touched it and you managed to keep her from touching it just in time
Replyka 17
That wouldn't stop her from getting burned though.
okaydisarray 17
Dear #6, Eff you. Signed, A ginger
alwaysstabbing 19
100% ginger
chazzywazzy654 22
Why has #39 been voted down? She's completely right that just because someone doesn't feel pain, doesn't mean that they would not get burned?
ShadowWolfoxImp 18
actually, if they feel no pain, they can still get burns, they just won't feel the pain or notice before it's too late.
lexiieeex3 32
93- that's exactly what 39 said...
azemazer_fml 17
Yup, #39 is totally right.
EvilLittleMan 23
Beware OP.
caterinette 12
Seems like you have a little Targaryen right there...
HappyItalian 38
"Fire cannot kill a dragon."
BlueHorizons 8
Came here to say pretty much exactly this but you beat me too it. Only 28 more weeks to go...
Animeisbaetho 19
If you aren't afraid of your children, you're parenting wrong.
Lalala579121 28
Or not watching the right horror stuff.
igive 29
That's right! Now I never trust kids named Damien.
wondercat40 28
I had something like that happen to me too, except it was in fourth grade when I brought hermit crab food to school and two boys took it from me. The kid told the other, "I'll eat it if you do." So the kid pretended to eat it. The other kid then actually ate it, and puked
laurellkawes 31
Cool story?
elcee1987 18
Or not...
kimeatszombies 22
steven universe nice nice nice nice niceeeeee
saucybugger101 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"Gingerly touched" that's a new one
Lalala579121 28
Ginger isn't just used to describe soulless beings, you know.
gracehi 33
On a related note, I bet this kid is a ginger.
be82tw 17
@9. No, no it isn't.
ukeandfoodislife 19
She probably almost touched it. Little kids cry really easily and if she touched it, she would be screaming and crying
dyoy_87 21
Please call an exorcist.
whassallt26 13
Is her name Damona?