Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
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Top comments
SoCalKay 3
Atleast Rufus isn't exactly small haha
4evaYong21 1
Your life sucks.. Mainly because your penis looks like a naked mole rat. Hahaha
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Comments (115)
mistersheezy 7
That sucks. Sorry.
MrLookAtThere 10
Pimp slap that bitch!
sexaaydino 14
Dry
Epsilonyx 15
What the **** could your penis possibly look like to resemble a naked mole rat?
roseXthorns 8
At least it's not carried around in another guys pants pocket.
33whitten 3
Kim possible FTW
perdix 31
I'd have called "Bullshit! The naked mole rat has two tiny eyes that are useless, but my dick has one big one that spits, so suck on it so I don't have to hear you talking shit for a while." That's how you end an unwanted nature lesson.
s0m3guy2010 21
However, they both have teeth to eat their prey with... wait a minute.
perdix 31
I think you're confused. It's vaginas that have teeth that eat their prey.
s0m3guy2010 21
Are you comparing them to Venus fly traps? It could partially explain why we have to pull out before it's too late.
mrahhhhh 21
Tell her that's Kim Possible.
smoothasegg 5
Fail
kaikai63 0
hahaha that sucks
ChrisTheCalm 9
Tell your girlfriend her ****** looks like an elephant ear with a tuna fish smell, that ******* ****.